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#168946 04/12/07 03:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
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Im placing this post because to be honest i need to shout out loud what i am feeling right now.

My name is not important ( Im not English so excuse any typos ) but im 34 years old , married for 7 ( will be 8 in August) and what i want to share is a bit of my relationship story:

I know my wife for 15 years now , we started dating at the time we both were students and stayed together for 7 years until we dicided it was time to settle down and marry wich we did. Apart from regular discussions ( wich i think are normal ) our marriage always went well till about 2 years ago when in the summer time she came to me and confessed that she had an affair some time before ( not a physical one she told me) but that it was me she wanted and that she loved me, all this with lots of tears and regret.
So with all my love ( I love her more than life ) i told her that worse than living with this would be to live without her and things kept on going , for some time we were like in the 1st days of dating , could not be apart from each other but as all good things it eventually cooled down ( wich is also normal ).
Some time ago , about 3 months , i started to notice that she was distant ,far from me , almost like she was in another world , so i started asking her what was wrong , why was she acting like this.
She always told me it was a phase and it would pass , bla bla bla , u prob know what i mean , me , i started feeling down , more with each passing day , until i told her that i could not understand how she was able to see me like this and do nothing if she did love me.So i got this answer : "I dont feel any passion for u anymore" , damm it hit me like a bullet , i am a very passionate person , my passion for her climbs each day , not the other way around.But yes with time passion tends to get lower in a marriage.A few more days passed and she came and made me 2 questions about the computer ( did i mention i was a system engineer?) that really made me suspicious , so i went to do some phorensics on my home pc , and voila , she had created a new email (secret one) and with not much hassle i was able to find out that she was corresponding with someone in secret.Bullet number 2.
I went to her and asked her who it was and why was she keeping it a secret , she 1st got xxxxxx that i was looking through her things (Duh , like i would stay put ) but then confessed it was her ex-boyfriend that she left because of me ( we are talking 12 years have past since they last spoke) and that she was happy to know from him, etc etc. Still not convinced i went deeper and managed to see some of the emails he had sent her and found out that they were remembering the past , pretended to be valentines on February 14th and god knows what more.
Cant post anymore but i will post the rest today still to see if someone can give me some advice

Last edited by PDM; 04/16/07 10:45 PM.
NMC #170347 04/16/07 03:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
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The rest of the story.
So after all that i confronted her again , and told her that she would have to make a choice , either me or him , that i would not want to live with her like that.Couple of hours passed and she phoned me at the office , crying and told me i was the one she wanted , that she could not see her life without me and that she was gonna tell the guy just that.I have to admit that my heart felt calmer and i regain the smile on my face.
When i got home that day we had no chance to talk , both our kids were over excited and at the time they went to sleep so did we and we never spoke for more than 5 mins.
Some more days passed , and nothing happened , no changes , everything still cold and distant so once again i started to feel suspicious and Voila!!!I caught her on the act , she was leaving a cybercafe where she went to see if there were any messages from him , my heart shattered into a million pieces , and she looked so calm , like it was a normal thing , on that day i think i never felt so bad in my life.We talked again , she begged me not to remove the wedding ring , not to leave the house.I stayed because of my childrens but by that time depression had taken over me and once again i told her to make choice , wich she did , she told me that i was the one she wanted , about the same thing i heard the 1st time.
Now im taking some medication to cope with all this and im slowling starting to feel better , not calmer , i still live every day like if my heart wants to come out of my chest and have no clue what i should do.
The only thing i Know is : She is my soulmate and the love of my life , i would do anything for her but i do not want to suffer anymore , i cant , my job is at stake my friends , i feel like my dreams have been stolen from me.
Give me your honest opinion please , i know advices are very hard to give but , what would you do???

NMC #170490 04/16/07 10:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
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True Blue Soulmate
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Joined: Dec 2004
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Sorry to hear about your problems.

You have a marriage and children ~ this needs to be sorted out.

It reminds me of stories I have heard about a website we have in England called 'Friends Reunited'. It enables old schoolfriends etc to get back in touch ~ and it is causing problems. People are meeting their 'first loves' again, and it is interfering with their marriages.

Everyone seems to yearn for youth and innocence and those days when they had no responsibilities and when emotions ran high and everything was new and exciting. Meeting up with friends from the past gives people a buzz. Meeting up with old flames can be even more exciting.

Sometimes these people have affairs, sometimes they actually pair up again; sometimes nothing much happens except for reminiscing. It looks as if your wife is back in the heady days of teenage love. But is it real? Probably not, because she says she loves and wants you, but this is an exciting adventure for her ~ and a potentially dangerous one.

I recommend relationship counselling.

Have a look at these items to see what I mean:

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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