RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? afraid my girlfriend might cheat

Ok, so here's my story. I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now. She has cheated before, on pretty much all of her boyfriends. She would be the type to go out to parties, and meet guys. She would date multiple guys at once. It's not like she got around a lot, she hasn't had sex with very many guys, but she has hooked up with plenty. As we dated more and more, we got closer and closer, and eventually fell in love. Even today, the farther into our relationship we get, the more we like each other. I'll be honest, I am completely in love with this girl. We are the type of couple that spends entirely too much time together, but neither of us care and we love every minute. Now I won't lie, I have issues with jealousy. I control them as best as I can. I told her that my biggest issue with dating is that I am absolutely terrified of being cheated on. It has happened to me before. One time it happened I wasn't even in love with the girl but it stll hurt so bad. I know that if my current girlfriend cheated on me I would die. She knows how scared I am, and has told me that she would never do anything to hurt me. Now, here's where the story starts. The other weekend, she was at home by herself, and decided to drink. She had to be the designated driver the next night, and wanted to get drunk just because she was bored. (don't worry, she isn't an alcoholic, she rarely drinks.) The next day, I accidentally sign into her facebook account, because her password was saved on my computer. I swear this was by accident, I would never go through my girlfriend's emails or anything like that. I click the first message, thinking it was my account, and read the first entry. It was actually her account, and the message was between her and one of her girl friends. She was (drunk) talking about this guy we had met the previous weekend when we both visited school and were at a party. She basically said how hot the guy was, and how she didn't know what to do because she wanted him as a friend, but was afraid because she knew she would hook up with him if she was drunk, and those were her exact words. I know she loves me, because I read on, and she continued to say how much she loves me and how great I am to her, and how she does feel guilty, but sure wasn't sure if she should do it. She told her friend that she has issues with dating because she always cheats. I told her what happened, and how I found the message on accident. She felt terrible and promised nothing would ever happen, and how she hates herself for feeling that way. She had started talking to the guy online a few days earlier, which she told me, and this worries me. I don't know what do to to gain trust in her, or if I can. I know she has cheated several times, and I know that she really loves me, but i'm worried that she will get drunk and not think it's a big deal and just do it. The guy is living in the same apartment complex as me, and we have a ton of mutual friends, so i'm sure we'll all be seeing each other a lot at school. I am so in love with this girl, and i'm terrified because I know I could never keep dating her if something were to happen. I want to believe that nothing will ever happen, but she has told me that before and obviously her mind changed for awhile when she met this new guy. What should I do?

You've been dating your girlfriend for 5 months & she hasn't cheated on you. You love her & you know that she loves you.

You say that if your current girlfriend cheated on you, you would die.
She knows how scared you are and she has told you that she would never do anything to hurt you.

When drunk she told her friend that she found another boy attractive and, though she wanted him as a friend, she was concerned that she might get together with him if ever she was with him when drunk ~ but she doesn't want this to happen and she rarely drinks.

She worries about relationships because, in the past, she has cheated on boyfriends. But she hasn't had sex with many boys.

You have issues with jealousy.


At present you have a relationship with a girl whom you love who loves you. You enjoy each other's company. You are faithful to each other.

But you could lose all this, because you have a jealousy thing and she worries that she cannot be faithful ~ all over things that are in the past.

You are scaring yourself and her ~ and putting unfair pressure on her. You believe that she is faithful and she has said that she won't hurt you ~ yet you are, in effect, threatening to die if she ever behaves with you as she did with others. Maybe she didn't love or like the others as she does you. Why pressure her into even thinking about this?

She found a boy attractive ~ that's ok. It's normal for boys and girls in relationships to find other boys and girls attractive. It doesn't mean that they will have affairs with them.

No-one knows if they will one day do something stupid ~ especially when drunk. But since this girl doesn't drink very often, and since she is with you so much, this may not be a problem at all.

Have confidence in her and she is more likely to be faithful to you than if you imply that she can't be trusted to be faithful to you.

Enjoy your relationship and control the jealousy ~ it is a very destructive thing.

I was just worried because she had said she would be faithful before, but then this happened. I know she doesn't want it to happen because it will ruin us, but she had cheated before so I was just concerned that since it was so normal to her with so many past boyfriends that she might slip one time, say if she happened to be mad at me about a fight or something stupid like that. And I say that because the weekend we met this guy we were both a little mad at each other because of a fight we had just had (we barely ever fight so it was kind of a bigger deal for us) not to mention we have only seen each other 3 times since may when school got out. But again, I know i'm probably overreacting. Thanks for all the advice, it helped a lot. Believe me there is nothing that i want more than to be able to fully trust her. And I know i have jealousy issues. I'm getting better at controlling them, I just freaked out because like I said I really like this girl. We have talked about it, she has been very understanding and reassuring. I asked her what she would do if she were exactly in my situation, and she said she would have probably cried and dumped me. So i know she understands how bad of a situation it was for me. But anyways, I'm going to trust her because that is all I can do. Thanks again for the advice

I hope that it all works out for you.