RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? am i in too deep?

I think I'm screwed, I think that I'm in too deep with a friend and co-worker of mine. Let me start from scratch, I work with this girl we started talking and in a few days she gave me her phone number and email address and said she'd find me on myspace so we could be "computer buddies." A few emails and phone calls later we ended up haging out at a local club. She soon after she told me she has a boyfiend. Now, some months later, we've gone on road trips together, spent whole weekends together, went to lunch, ice scating, swimming, spent countless hours on the phone together and we know each other so well it'stupid. The place we work is full of rumors surrounding us. She sends me all the body language that she's interested but we've never held hands or kissed or anything sexual. She's told me that I'm more of a boyfriend to her than her current BF. She also said that all the people who has told her to break up with her current BF to get with me are "obviously right because you know me beter than he does" I told her a long time ago I had a crush on her but she told me she had a BF. Again, months later, the vibe is stronger, and she continues to spend time with me and she make it known that she doesn't care what people think about us. What should I do? continue to play it cool? or do I make a move? Or is this one of those "I love you...like a brother" situations just waiting to explode in my face? I can't cut her off because she is honestly one of my best friends and I know it would crush her if I told her we couldn't hang out because I'm in too deep. Any advice would be nice. THANKS!

I don't want to hurt your feelings but in my opinion she's playing a game of some sort, maybe unintentionally/unconsciously. She won't break up with the BF after all these months yet knows that your feelings are stronger than "just friends"?

Your potentially hurt feelings should be more important to you than her feelings, at this point, in my opinion, and I think you should take a "time-out" from the relationship. That sounds cold-hearted and selfish but I do think, from what you're saying, that this situation isn't going to go anywhere good for you. Maybe in the future you really can "just be friends" but I think right now you're headed down the highway of hurt.

Good luck with this, and sorry to give you such "bummer" advice.

YOU COULD STILL BE FRIENDS;BUT SHE WOULD HAVE TO PAY HER OWN WAY WHEN WE HANG OUT.I'D START THINKING ABOUT FIDING SOMEONE WHO IS FREE FROM ENVOLVEMENTS.

i think she is playing some sort of a game...if she knows you like her and you guys spend alot of time together, why arent you together? your feelings are going to get hurt at some point in your life, so i say take a chance. if it doesnt work, you will learn from that mistake. why would she tell you that other ppl told her to break up with her bf for you when she "didnt mean it"? she wouldnt have said this if she didnt think it was true...maybe it is time to take a break from her...you have feelings for her and she has "potential" feelings for you....just tell her your in too deep i gues...

but then again im 13, so you dont gotta listen to me.

Sometimes feeling take time to mature. You probably feel stronger about her than you did a while back. Maybe she is feeling the same way but does not want to give up an established relationship if you do not feel the same. Telling her you had a crush a few months ago does not define what you feel now. She seems to be indicating that she is attracted to qualities you have. If you take the bull by the horns and tell her that you value her friendship and enjoy spending time with her but that the more time you spend with her it makes it difficult to just stay friends. This does not expose you to rejection, because you are giving her the opportunity to agree, which tells you she feels the same. On the other hand you are not telling her the depth of your feelings so that there is an awkward moment if she does not feel the same. She can respond by telling you that she values your friendship also. If nothing more is volunteered then that is your answer. She wants to be friends. She will probably realize that seeing so much of you is making it difficult for you and will probably back off herself. If on the other hand she has feelings this opens the discussion of "where do we go from here". If she doesn't appear to be willing to give up the boyfriend at this point then perhaps Pudgies mom is right. You may have feelings that are stronger than hers and are heading for problems. If you really do care for her though, maybe it is a case of winning her heart. You could try a kiss on the cheek and see where it leads. If it leads to a real kiss then you should expect her to give up the boyfriend. If she is serious she will, in my opinion. Either way, you will have more to help you figure out what you should do than you do now.

This sounds like a good plan to me.

Welcome to the forum!

Tell her this is your own words:

So why are you still with him when you could be with me?

One of two things will happen.

She'll wrap her arms around you as you ride your white stallion off into the sunset because she does have feelings for you, but she's waiting for a signal that you would replace her current boyfriend.
-or-
It'll totally blow up in your face. She'll freak out, but you'll be better off in the long run because she was using you anyway.

Best of luck to you

Cheers,
Chris
Eclectus and Cockatiel owner

Awesome advice, folks, thanks a lot it's really helpful. Here is a little up date. My friend and I had a long long talk about her current relationship and how I fit into that equation and basically in regards to her relationship she agrees that her BF is probably not the best one for her and she stated that if it ended today she wouldn't be hurt but she's under the impression that "if it's not broke why throw it away?" She talked about the awkwardness of “being in a triangle” She told me (with out being this blunt) that she has feeling for me too and asked "if you were to date someone else, I'd hope that you'd talk to me about it first" I got a lot of strong, strong signals of interest from her and honestly she's really confused. She also told me that I'd be the only guy she'd consider starting a new relationship with because we know each other so well. So basically I'm at the wait it out, break it up or get out stage. Personally I'm tired, I want to find a way to hate her because it would make it sooo much easier to give it up....but something in my gut is telling me to wait it out and don't give up. I’m not desperate, there are other women interested in me but there is something about my friend that I just can’t turn away from. I think that I am going to try to back off a little bit and maybe she’ll realize it’s not the same without me or that she doesn’t really need me at all. Thanks again everyone!

In other words she is choosing to stay with someone she doesn't care too much about, rather than being on her own, or with you.
Sorry, but that doesn't sound too promising, does it?

I agree with PDM.
SHE wants you to have to talk to her before YOU date anyone?? WHAT?!?! She has a man, who she apparently has some sort of feeling for or she wouldn't still be with him, although in that same breath she's kinda sorta cheating on... She's playing a control game with you...YOU need HER permission to date?? chyeaah...

She brought out the line "it ain't broke don't fix" to describe the relationship she is currently in. Hmmmmm....

As much confusion as she is presenting with her feelings between you and her current BF, it sounds like she doesn't speak so highly of her current BF at ALL. In all honestly bro, if this is the case, if she would break up with this guy and not feel any different, then in MY opinion, there is something "broken" in that relationship. If there aren't any strong feelings, that sounds like a problem in itself. Has she presented much feelings towards this guy she's with at all?

But then, if she doesn't have any real feelings for him, yet still doesn't want to break up, even though she seems to like this other boy, what can that mean?

It means she doesn't know what she wants. Or at least thats what it sounds like to me.

Or it could mean that she is not attracted to him as he is to her.