Alright... So I'm super lost and I think I need some help on this one...
Please don't mind my rant...as much advice and opinions as possible is welcome...i'm getting desperate!
Thanks for any help in advance!!
So... I've been really good friends (almost best) with a guy I met in first year university. It's been just over a year since we met and it seems like our friendship is really strong. BUT... I want more then that... I always have since I met him.
When we met, we were in a specialized program that meant we had 3-5 classes together per week. He started sitting with me and my friends, and we all formed this group. BUt somehow, he always managed to sit beside me everyday...we talked, laughed, flirted... and it seemed like something was budding. I had feelings for him and was in complete denial that he even liked me. But took a few months and all of our friends could see it... we were oblivious to everyone around us when we were together. He even broke up with his girlfriend the same day i suggested he consider it when we were driving into class together because he was ranting about how annoying she was and how much he hated her. He publically announced it with a big smile the next morning. Anyways.. our mutual friend had a party one night and everyone got really drunk. Up until that point, he and I had never dicussed our feelings for each other. He hung off of me all night, almost all the pictures I'm in, so is he. And he followed me up to my friend's room when i wasn't feeling well and sat with me. Later, he was holding my hand, rubbing my back, kissed my cheek and asked him what he was doing and why. He told me he liked me and kissed my cheek again. But I made the stupid mistake of telling him he didn''t because he was drunk. It was mostly my drunken reation and being upset that he had to tell me how he felt when he was drunk. Prior to that, I had caught him and my friend in her room.. and she had been trying to get him to hook up, but he pushed her away and told her he had feelings for me and he couldn't do that. Apparently he and I were the talk of the party. But i had no idea... which is why I reacted the way i did. Afterwards though, we both fell asleep on our friend's couch... his arm around me.
Since that party (Last November), things have been interesting. He was never able to admit to saying anything... he claimed he never remembers things when he's drunk. It was never brought up between him and I. And my "friend" got in the way. She started flirting with him, sitting with him, on purpose to make me jealous. And naturally, my claws came out, and he never knew why. I was just angry with her.
Things did slowly get back to normal and become better, he'd still sit with me... and what not. However, I did date someone at the beginning of the year, who ended up cheating on me, and it didn't last very long...only a few months.
Summer passed, and we hung out some, we went to an amusement park, he was at my birthday, things like that, we talked on a regular basis, hung out, went to parties.
Since University has begun this year, he's copied my schedule and we're in 3/5 classes together again,and my "friend" isn't in our classes to get in the way, she's also dating someone now. Anyways, he and I drive in together alot (in my car, because he doesn't have his lisence yet, due to an illness that had held him back), it's just unspoken word that he comes with me after class. We live only a block away from each other. He still sits with me in our classes, and if he doesn't, he'll come visit me at my seat on the break. He calls me, texts me, messages me without me having to start any conversations. We go out to mutual friend's parties together, like he and i. We have gone to see several movies alone, and grabbed the odd bite to eat. He's cancelled plans to go to parties, so that we can hang out or go see a movie, as it was his idea. I catch him looking at me, and he's always smiling. When we're with friends, he's a big goof, always making stupid jokes, bugging everyone, teasing me, our friends, and when we're alone in the car or just out at a movie he tends to be more quiet and calm. We can talk about almost anything, we get along, we share music tastes, my parents love him, my friends love him. And i can never seem to get him off my mind or off my lips. I know he's never been very forthcoming with information about his feelings, but does it make sense to say he likes me still? He hasn't dated anyone since he broke up with his gf last year, only the odd make-out at a bar with random girls. It feels like we're dating, he just waits for me, we're always paired together when we're in a group, people make subtle references. We study together all the time for tests, we have the same study style and freak out attacks before our exams. He always suggest we do new things, try new foods, go places and make future plans. We're already plannign ski trips and there's no snow on the ground yet. He suggests things we should do and places he wants to take me. He says he wants to be a DD for me because he owes me a few nights out once he gets his license (next week).
I feel like either he doesn't like me, or he does and I"m an idiot for not noticing it. Our relationship does seem like it could be getting to the point where we'll be dating, but I don't have the guts to say anything, and I don't think he does too. It's at the point now, where our friendship is so important to me, that I wouldn't want to lose what we do have.
Last night, we went out with a few friends to a haunted farm for halloween. I didn't want to go through the haunted house but they made me. He willingly offered, and held my hand the whole way through talking to me and making sure I was okay.. kind of semi making fun of me. But for whatever reason, i found him holding my hand even before we went in, and we were waiting in line. Something about it just felt right. Although I was holding his buddy's hand too as we went through, i just got this feeling from him... I don't even know what to do.
I hope I'm not wrong, but someone please correct me if I am...
What should I be looking for now? Is there anything in this description that's tell-tale?
Should I be doing something??
HELP! I'm so confused :S Thanks guys!!