RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? What's inside a shy guy's head?

I've met a nice guy since the beginning of August. We're both college students going to the same University in New York but currently studying abroad in Rome, Italy. He majors in architecture while I in fine arts. However, it wasn't until this semester that I met him for the first time.

To describe him, I would have to say he is very intelligent and knowledgeable while also being extremely quiet! It's not even that he doesn't talk. When he does talk, it's so difficult to even hear what he's saying because he speaks so softly. Rarely would I ever see him hanging around with friends. Whenever we go on field trips around Italy, I always see him just walking by himself with his camera. He's very friendly however when one does approach him. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him not smile at someone he's talking to. After the first month or so of knowing him, I've decided that he's simply a shy guy.

All semester I've been trying to get to know him by talking to him every once in a while. I asked him to be my partner for practicing for our Italian oral midterm, sat with him during lunch when we visited Hadrian's Villa, and even invited him to my apartment for a birthday celebration for a friend of mine. Yet, he still stayed inside that shell of his. He'd never be the first to speak to me.

However sometimes, I feel like he's interested when he always walks near me.. but never right next to me. There was a time when we both silently ended up walking in a garden together during one of our school trips. It wasn't planned, but we just both found ourselves there. We said "hello" to each other.. and just went about our ways of taking in the view while exploring the area. Strangely, he was always a few steps away from me when there were millions of directions he could've taken. This lasted for an hour before we had to head back.

Another example of when I felt he might have been interested was during a reception our school held for a Roman artist. All the faculty and students were there, where food and drinks were served. My friends and I went downstairs to our studio space, where the artist was supposed to advise us on our works while the majority of the people stayed upstairs. After two hours or so, I decided to head back up to get a drink before leaving for home. I noticed that everyone was already leaving by that time, including him (my love interest) who was walking outside the door. I was waiting outside the door, waiting for an opportunity to get inside as people were coming out of the doorway in masses. When he reached the door, he stopped walking and just smiled at me to let me get by. I walked in quickly and went straight to the drinks area in a flushed state. When i turned around, the room was pretty empty.... and to my surprise, he was still at the doorway just standing by himself. I walked toward him, hoping to at least say a "hello" and smile before walking out again. Unfortunately, he never made eye contact with me even when I was walking past him. I ended up walking outside disappointed only to suddenly see him walking behind me toward the direction of his apartment as well. He walked up to me and finally said "hi". Since our apartments were in the same direction, we walked home together that night.

The semester is now coming to an end, and my friends have advised me to just tell him how i feel before we all leave for the states. This is because I most likely won't see him again when we get back, since we are in different majors, taking different classes. He's also in his last year and will graduate in the spring. Last Saturday on our last school field trip to Naples, I finally told him in the most awkward and nervous way possible that I liked him. To give you an idea, this was how the conversation went pretty much word by word:

3-4 minutes of talking have passed..
Me: So.. can i ask you a question?
Him: Sure
Me (very very nervous): Uhm.. I think you're really nice, and I really like you. I was wondering if you want to hang out sometime..
(silence...)
Him: ok
Me: really?
Him: yea sure
Me: so.. is there any place specific that you'd like to go around Rome?
Him: I don't know. I don't really go out much.
Me: oh.. I don't either really. Have you heard of any place that you think would be a good place to visit?
Him: How about let's go to dinner?
Me: Yea, that'll be nice actually.
(We've now reached the bus, and our conversation must come to an end.)
Me: When and where do you want to go?
Him: I'm not sure, but we'll figure something out.

Through all of that, he never really smiled like he would normally. This worries me... and I've been wondering if he only said "yes" because he didn't know how to reject a girl or didn't want to hurt her feelings. 3 days passed before we talked again, when we had to meet for our Italian class. All class period, he avoided eye contact with me. Our instructor asked us to sit next to each other for a class exercise, and i could tell it was ridiculously awkward for both of us. when class ended, he got up and left without saying a word to me. 2 days ago, I saw him alone in the library. He looked up from his book and said hi to me. I said hello back and saw him going back to reading his book. I was pretty frustrated at the moment. I walked out only to walk back in three minutes later to say...

Me: Do you still want to go to dinner sometime?
Him: Sure
Me: When are you free?
Him: I'm pretty busy these days actually... with finals coming up
Me: Oh.. Why don't you e-mail me when you're free then, and we could set up a time.
Him: ok

Then I left the room. I pretty much take what he said as a rejection. I guess it frustrates me a bit when he could've said "no" to me when I asked him to go out the first time. Why say "yes" only to avoid the girl afterwards? Isn't that just sending mixed signals? I know he's awkward. I know he's shy. But what's he's doing is very painful for me. It was my first time ever being the first to tell a guy that i liked him. I can't describe how nervous I was to go up to him and tell him how I felt, and how ecstatic I was when he suggested dinner. I was also really proud of myself however for doing what I did and putting myself out there to achieve what I wanted. Being a shy girl myself, it's amazing how hard i tried with him. Yet, his reactions to all makes me feel like I'm a fool doing what i did. There are friends of mine who still thinks that this is just him being shy and awkward, while most feel that this is his way of rejecting me. What do you guys think?

Sorry for this long post...

I've never posted in this part of the forum before, but this topic took interest to me, so I thought I should put my word in.

I'm a very shy guy myself. I can understand how it feels to be shy, and to be approached by someone and not know exactly what to say.
Honestly, after reading that he was like, and seemingly avoiding you after he agreed to go to dinner, and also saying he doesn't know when, I would say he IS avoiding you. He probably isn't interested, but didn't know what to say when you first approached him, so he said yes because he didn't want to hurt your feelings.
But afterwards, and avoiding you, I don't know exactly what would drive him to do that, but I'm guessing because he's not interested, and is just laying it off without saying no.

Thats the impression I got from your description... I'm sure others will have more input.

Could be any number of things -

• He could be very shy, as was said.
  
• He could be short of cash but feeling he needs to impress you.
  
• He might feel drawn to you as a friend, but feel the possibility of romance as frightening.
  
• It's possible, even, that he is gay, and likes you as a friend.
  

Welcome FeatheryGlow

Sorry, but I don't know either.
After reading the first part of your post, I thought that you should approach him.
But when I read on, and saw that you did, and how it worked out, I became mystified.

Carl could be right.
Justin could be right.

Why don't you just e-mail him and ask him exactly how he feels, since the semester is ending and you'd like to know where you stand ~ that you would prefer it if he said 'no' and meant it rather than 'yes' and didn't. Obviously you would word it a bit more politely than that, but you know what I mean

Good luck!

Thank you Justin, Carl, and PDM for the feedback. I guess I've pretty much decided that he's not interested in a romantic relationship with me. However, there's a huge part of me that's hoping that maybe he's just more awkward than I've ever imagined and just can't express himself when he's interested in someone. I'd like to be realistic though, and it's definitely better for me emotionally to just know what exactly is going on.

I have considered talking to him again and just asking for a straight answer. However, I don't want to see bothersome. I already asked him to e-mail me when he's free. He hasn't yet. Isn't that a sign already? Wouldn't I just annoy him if I send him an e-mail if that truly was his way of rejection?

Possibly. He sounds like a difficult person to read.

Hard to know, exactly. I'd say the ball is definitely in his court. But, as for annoying him, one potentially final email can't hurt much, and he should be able to understand your wanting to know.

Another possibility is that he is truly all centered in his studies and really does not relate well to others - of either gender.

I've been wondering if maybe I should just be a little more patient. The semester is drawing to a close, and if he still haven't emailed be by then, surely I would know how he actually feels.

A friend of mine has made me ponder if I truly want to be with a guy who can't express himself. Do I really want to be in a long term relationship with someone who would constantly make me wonder if he's happy with me or if he's just with me because he doesn't know how to express his dissatisfaction?

I thought about this, and I think I really wouldn't mind his quietness as long as I know how he feels. But if he really would be the type who would never tell or express to a girl that he cares about her, then it probably would bother me in the long run.

Yes, I was thinking something like that, myself

This post reminded me of when i worked up the nerve to ask a guy out so i know how hard it is to let yourself be exposed like that. I give you kudos for taking the initiative, no matter how it works out you can never think back on it and say "i wish i had...". Giving it a shot and realizing that it didnt work out (if thats the case) is way better than it getting built up over time as maybe he was "the one that got away" and neither of you gave it a shot.
It seems you did everything right -asked him out & then gave him a second chance to follow up on the offer...way cooler than i could ever do it.
If you want a laugh when i asked the guy out in my college class i was a bit too aggressive and he said yes cause i believe i frightnened the poor boy. The date was a disaster (but i was too clueless to notice right away) and i was mortified when i went in for the kiss & he basically jumped in his jeef and pealed out of my drive. The worst part was that it was still mid semester & he didnt even look at me the rest of the year!
But at least i know he was definitly not the one that "got away" (or sped away in fear). ha ha

Some good wisdom being expressed here.

And it gives you a good story to relate to us, nacho's human

Thanks PDM...i believe the saying "open mouth...insert foot" probably began with me . Took me a couple of months to get over that situation but now its so funny to me, and my husband who cant believe i was so bold then!

Featheryglow: i hope everything works out for you, i'm glad you had someone there in Italy to have as a friend (and a friend who sends happy shivers down your spine in such a romantic place isnt too bad ). Let us know if you hear anything!

Aww, thanks Nacho's human. I know that the situation I'm going through right now is something that almost everyone have experienced or will experience at least once in their life. Your story, however, really cheered me up a bit. I really don't think I would've had the courage to go in for the first kiss. =) Perhaps one day I'll look back on this experience and be able to laugh about it as well.

I'll certainly update you guys if anything happens. ^^

Yes, you do that, FeatheryGlow !
Good luck!

I believe that it could possibly have to do with his past. When someone has a tough childhood they tend to either rebel and not care about what others think, like a bad boy (fighting, drugs etc.) or they will close themselves off and focus only on interests.

In both cases the individual closes themselves off from letting someone in, but they show it differently. They bad boy individual will just be mean or emotionless to you while the closed off individual will appear extremely shy and quiet and keep to themselves.

If this is the case for him, then he might be fighting with himself. It took awhile for him to even open up a little as friends and now that he knows you like him he is fighting with himself on whether to let you in or not. Simpler terms, his heart says he likes you but his mind is telling him that he will get hurt if he lets you in.

Hi, mma7402, and welcome. In the romance section, several times I have seen references to "insight." While it is true that some seem to have more insight, a lot of it comes from really "listening" to others and caring, but most of it comes from living through things of life. You seem to have both the "innate" insight, and (possibly) experience in life that gives you insight into a shy person's head and heart.

A shy person can be an intensely feeling and loyal friend and lover, and can even learn to open up with others. Butterflies did not look as attractive and carefree in their caterpillar stage.

Hope to read more of your posts.

Personally, I don't think this guy is disinterested, for one clear reason... the fact that he did not say no.

Now, just because a person may be shy or evasive it doesn't mean they aren't disinterested. By him agreeing to plans, it yields some interest. He may be busy sure, he may be shy, of course, but possibly not disinterested. He may be leaning in that direction, but for him to agree to plans, it means he's willing to give it a chance.

As for my theories, Carl pretty much sums it up. He may be any one of those things that Carl explained.

You brought up some good points. It is possible that he may be this way in a relationship, to which case you probably may not like. If he is quiet in the relationship, it may prove too difficult, especially if you're the one doing most of the talking and decisions. I get the feeling he's the type that follows the waves, and doesn't make them. I could be dead wrong however. Just a passing thought.

My advice, I personally think you should follow up until either he says "no" or until you lose all interest. Again, Carl pretty much sums up all the theories that may be surrounding this guy, take it into consideration.

heyy im new to this thingy but.... he sounds like a really good guy even if he is shy, like im heaps shy and im a guy and im fine around girls i know.... best buddies and all that but when im around a girl i like or a really pretty girl i trip over and i just look stupid but im not like that at all so if you want to know whats in a shy guys head i just think you ask him.... simple thats all but if you tihnk my idea was smart message back and il talk to you about it best of luck

Welcome Ollie w

Thank you for your input ~ very helpful!