RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Long Term Partners Married for Love?

You're certainly welcome. It's good that you think about it and what it means to you, and your responsibility in loving, and being loved.

All contracts and all religious ceremonies aside, the bottom line is still that you pledge your love to another and trust that person to love you.

When the pledge is broken and the trust gone, no contract nor religious ceremony can restore them. The pledge can be renewed and the trust might (notice I said "might") be rebuilt at least in part. But it still takes love that is worked at.

I happen to think it is much easier when there is romantic love and sexual attraction. And if you are very fortunate, you either share a lot of interests and likes and dislikes, or you can complement one another well. If you are too dissimilar, and unwilling to compromise, clashes will come. And if the relationship is not codependent, it will not survive.

But if it is codependent, it kind of dies on the vine, so to speak.

So, I say develop your interests and your life. When you meet someone who stirs your very soul, speak your heart. And if you both speak your heart honestly and transparently and decide to pledge your troth (with or without a marriage), then you can decide if marriage is for you.

I think it is a wonderful thing that should be available to anyone. But I also think it should be something done fully intending to make it a lifetime of commitment.

Don't be hopeless, Joe. Be hopeful. There's plenty of good people. I talk to them all the time.

True.

I agree.

Well said.

Absolutely!
I agree Carl.


Good luck, Joe!

I married for love, but also learned that is really not enough. It's hard to be married to someone in whom you cannot really share your main life interests. It makes me sad and also makes me wonder if I should move on. Is it better to have someone to love and love you, but not have a companion for your favorite activities?

I think an important concept here is that we don't have to love just one person. I'm not talking about Big Love style multiple-wives. But I am saying that a person can have multiple interests and that is natural. Say I love mountain biking. Say my husband hates mountain biking. I can still have another friend - who I care for deeply, maybe even call it love, who I mountain bike with. My husband is there to raise a family with, and when he goes off to play darts, I have a friend to mountain bike with.

Part of the key of a successful long term relationship, I think, is to have that network of friends established. If you rely just on your spouse to fulfill every single need of yours, that is a huge burden to put on any one person.

But ah, I raise no family. I have nothing to actually *do* with my mate. He doesn't even like my dogs, he hates the RV, he can't go out into the sun or travel anywhere sunny, he can't go boating or climbing, we don't cook or eat together, he won't do yoga, he has no interest in my interests and i have none in his...all we can do together is watch movies and talk about sci fi. That is just not enough to keep my interest and it isn't good enough for him, either.

That is definitely something to ponder. There does need to be some sort of a common bond. In theoretical terms, if you were married to a person that you never talked with, for example, what sort of a marriage would that be? If you slept in the same bed but otherwise never really spent time with each other?

Well, it's kind of like being roommates. I do like having someone to be around though - to not be totally alone as I have been for the last six months with my hubby across the country.

I do understand that completely, I definitely prefer having someone around to talk with, spend time with, share ideas with. I like to be held.

I wouldn't advocate being all alone. I would cautiously advocate being with someone who you actively enjoy doing things with, and maybe there is a way you can find common ground when you get together and build that set of interests.

It doesn't have to be non-stop. Bob plays golf, I don't play well enough to play with him. So he'll go out all day long to play golf while I work. But then we'll do things together when he gets home. So he definitely has outside interests. But we do share interests.

I guess dan and I need to give serious conversation to finding mutual activities we like. He doesn't like wine or drinking anything, he isn't really into cooking, or eating out. He eats his cereal for dinner over his keyboard. Not so fun for me. So no meals together. No going out together in the evening either.

He likes computer games and xbox games and I don't.

he likes Football and I don't.

I am not going to make myself like these things. It doesn't work.

We both enjoy watching different science fiction series' on tv at night, but that is really our only activity together.

We don't play board games. I like puzzles and we tried that for a while, but it fizzled out.

Any ideas? What sorts of things do married couples do together besides raise kids, talk about kids, or have meals together?