RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up PLEASE HELP AND READ! :( I need help with my ex.

[size:11pt]Please, please, please! Don't feel tired of reading this, you might as well find this entertaining. I need you!
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I want my ex back. I don't know what's with him, so I might as well explain myself as much as I can. So back in Sept. of last year he was crazy about me. He would be flirting always with me. I was never really sure if I liked him. When we started dating in Nov., I was still A BIT unsure that I was in love with him. I had liked two boys, him and another one, so I basically chose him. His name is Joe. He goes with me to school, and to 4 out of my 7 classes. So the first thing I decided to do was give him SPACE. I was afraid that someday he might feel bored of seeing me everyday, wouldn't you also think that? So I wouldn't be with him so much, and plus: I was punished (THAT'S bad luck) so I couldn't go out very much. Anyways, as I was falling more and more in love with him, he was getting less interested in me, so he broke up with me. After a month of dating. Everything was going well before, then rumors and things started coming up, one rumor was that I was cheating on him(I discussed that with him maturely, he believed me :)) and people started saying that I flirted a lot with other boys, aaand that I always stood up on him. All of it was false. He broke up with me saying "that he loved me as a friend." His best friend told me that it was because he thought that I was always leaving him alone. Another reasons where that because I wouldn't go out with him a lot, or that I never showed him that I loved him.

HOWEVER. I was devastated. Right after realizing that I really loved him, REALLY loved him, he broke up with me after a month of dating. I know it was too little time, but you know I was the one that didn't made it work out. The last two weeks before Christmas vacations various things happened. He would try and get my attention and would get jealous when I would talk with boys. He would look at me a lot, he wasn't afraid to make eye contact. I would just ignore him, and he wouldn't. Then during Christmas vacations I NEVER contacted him. He once called me, but I refused to get the call. So when I got back to school (this week) with a new look and everything, I've always acted happy by the way, and he started noticing me a lot. He would go around saying things that mean to me to friends, things that I say or that I said or something like that(so I could notice) and would sit by me, and again, would try to get my attention and be all desperate when I would talk to boys and his best friend... the happiest thing of everything is that he doesn't go around flirting with girls. So, out of everything, what I just wrote, what do you think? What should I do? Comment on ANYTHING. And please tell me signs that he's interested in me!

He's the one that makes me happy, I can never stop thinking about him.

Hi & welcome Emma Giovanna



This is my interpretation of the situation:
~ The boy likes you, thinks that you may be interested, but is not going to call himself your 'boyfriend' if he feels that you are not even bothered to answer his phone call over the Christmas holiday.

The question now is: ~ do you care for him enough, to be his girlfriend, and not leave him feeling silly and unwanted?

You say that you were 'falling more and more in love with him' and that he was becoming 'less interested in' you, yet he was trying to attract your attention, getting jealous of other boys you spoke to, phoning you at Christmas ~ what was he not doing, to make you think that he was becoming less interested?

And how were you communicating to him that you were falling for him?
~ By flirting with other boys, ignoring him, and refusing to take his phone calls?

Have another read of your post ~ and think about the way he has behaved, and the way you have behaved.
Try to put yourself in his place, and him in yours.

What went wrong, do you think?

You are both at school, so may still be quite young.
Young romances are full of flirting, misunderstanding, awkwardness, etc. That seems to be the norm.
But a lot of young people are hurt by misunderstanding how the one they like really feels.

If you are still very young, be sure that your parents / guardians are happy for you to be in a relationship and, if they are, and you genuinely like this boy, try to be clear about how you feel, by being honest & friendly ~ and try not to upset him, by ignoring him while you flirt with other boys, etc.

You say that you 'always act happy' ~ is this part of the 'flirting' with other boys?
If so, then be sure that he understands that you are just being your lively and friendly self with them, and that you are not trying to ignore or upset him ~ as long as that is the truth, of course.

Have a chat with him & try to sort things out a bit.

Good luck!

Thank you so much firstly!!! You were one of a few who have replied to me in such a helpful way!!!

Mkay, it's just that I have thought over and over what I should do, ignore him or talk to him. I chose to ignore him because I think that can be the best way he can go mad for me. But I get now how I've been selfish trying to make him feel ignored. And also because I've always had the thought that if you go talking to your ex back, he may think you're desperate over him. I don't want him to think that I'm bended on my knees for him. So, right, I gotta stop this game I'm playing, don't you think he may even get tired of waiting for me? I kind of do, so I'm gonna act steadily.

About flirting with boys, I really haven't done it. I get along with them very good that it seems like I'm flirting I "act happy" because I won't go around going to school all sad and depressed D: I want him to see that I can be glad and independent without him, also, don't you think that could attract him back to me?

Thanks for taking your time and reading all of this!
You are a really smart person!

Hi Emma.

There are many myths about the ways that girls should behave with boys ~ and vice versa ~ but don't be misled.
I think that the truth is that you should simply be yourself.

Boys are confused enough by girls as it is, so 'playing games' with them is a little unfair on them.

And being impolite to them is just impolite.

If you are young, and just getting involved with boys, then the things to remember, I think, are ~
~ not to get too deeply involved in a relationship, when you are too young too handle it;
~ not to get involved in a physical relationship too soon;
~ remember that some boys will only be interested in physical pleasure, rather than in getting to know you;
~ remember that boys are human, just like you, and have feelings, just like you.

If you find a boy who is kind, friendly and decent, then it is only fair that you are fair and pleasant and friendly in return.

Certainly I agree that you shouldn't throw yourself at boys, or appear desperate, or lose your self-respect, but that doesn't mean that you should agree to go out with a boy and then ignore him.

If he is a genuinely nice person, and you like him, then it would be good if you could, at least, be friends.

Why not apologise to him, for not taking his call? That might be a good place to start.

In my opinion, if you are young, you should be sure that your parents are happy for you to be in a boy-girl relationship ~ and you must be careful.

Young romance can be a wonderful thing, but some young couples can let their feelings get the better of them and may find themselves in a situation for which they are not ready or prepared ~ so take care.

Good luck!

I want to add that many studies find that men tend to go full-bore for a girl they like. Women tend to ramp up slowly. I imagine it all ties back into evolutionary reasons. Men want to grab and have babies with as many women as possible, because it lets them have as many kids as possible and propagate their DNA. Women go slowly because they are the ones who have to raise and care for the kid for 18 years. They want to make sure this guy is actually going to be around to help protect them during that time.

So it would seem very natural that he was quick and you were slow. But because you were playing games and went even slower than usual, his hot fire lost steam, which is also quite natural. You can't just ignore someone and hope they keep chasing you. That's not a sign of respect.

So be honest, treat him respectfully, and show him you care. That would be the way to restart the relationship.