I'm not trying to sound like Mr. Popular, so don't take it the wrong way.
So this one girrl in my class, Katherine, and I have liked eachother since 6th grade (I'm in 8th right now) but we have only officially gone out on 2 dates. We are not "going out" (you know, middle school stuff) but we both know we like eachother and we have told eachother. The realllly annoying thing is that people in our class, mainly her best friends, are pressuring me and her to "go out" with eachother...even though I personally think it will have NO effect on our relationship. "Going out" is really just a phrase that means nothing to me...we will still like eachother just as much...
Anyway, there is this other girrl, Kelsey, and has been flirting with me this entire year. But a few days ago in science class, she was REALLY flirting with me. After class, Katherine got super mad at her. The weird thing is, that Kelsey and her friends are my good friends, and Katherine is my GF. So whenever I talk to Kelsey and her friends, they are complaining that Katherine is over reacting. Whenever I talk to Katherine, her and her friends are talking about how annoying and rude Kelsey is. ( Yes, I've got plenty of friends that are guys, too. ) Then when I talk to them, they pressure me into gossiping about the other "group". I do have to say, that I agree with BOTH of them...
I am very confused, and don't know what to do.
This also seems to be hurting my relationship with Katherine because we don't talk and stuff nearly as much.
Please help!
What should I do?!

Thanks,
3bud

Ok.

Katherine's friends say that you should go out with her. Chances are, if they are her true friends, that they are reflecting her thoughts.

Kelsey is your friend & she has been flirting with you.

What should Katherine do?

After all, you say that she is your g/f, but you are not going out with her ~ that makes you 'a free man'.

Kelsey thinks, therefore, that she has a chance with you ~ and Katherine probably thinks that Kelsey does, too.

You shouldn't be gossiping about your girlfriend to anyone ~ and gossiping is not nice anyway.

Kelsey thinks that you can't be that keen on Katherine, because you don't want to go out with Katherine, and you are friends with her, and you gossip about Katherine with her.

Katherine must think that you can't be that keen on Katherine, because you don't want to go out with Katherine, and you are friends with Kelsey, who flirts with you in front of Katherine, and you even gossip about Katherine with her.

Maybe you are too young to be 'going out' anyway, but, the way I see it, your behaviour may be making poor Katherine look a bit of a fool. Is that what you want? No wonder she's upset.

It may be possible to be friends with both girls but, if Katherine is your girlfriend, you must not respond to flirting from someone else. And you must not gossip about her with that someone else. It's rude and unfair.

I'm sorry if I was confusing, but I have never gossiped about Katherine. I know I said they pressure me into gossiping about the other group, but what I really meant was that I listen to them gossiping. I almost never participate. I chose the wrong words, PDM. I am very sorry for the confusion.



Yes, definitly. I have actually overheard her saying "I wish he would just ask me out already and get it over with." So they are reflecting her thoughts - you are right.



Hmm, I never thought of that. Thanks for pointing that out. Except I don't ever gossip about Katherine - and very rarely do I gossip about anyone else.



I know what you mean...people make such a big deal about "going out" in middle school...Erm, what beavior is making her look like a fool? Me not asking her out? Oh,do you mean that it makes her seem like she is "desperate"? No, I definitly do not want that.



Definitly. I was only friends with Katherine in 6th grade, but then when I figured ot that she liked me, I started to like her too...
Definitly. The thing is that I am oblivious when Kelsey is flirting with me - since she is my friend, I don't usually find it "flirting" until someone points it out to me...

Thanks for the help PDM.

Date the hotter girl.

You'll have all the same problems with an ugly girl as a hot one.

No thanks...

Parrish, that's not respectful.

geez, just a joke.

I'm pleased to hear that you don't gossip.

I'll tell you how I would feel if I were Katherine ~ just based on what you have stated.


He seems to like me, but he seems to like her, too.

If he really liked me, he'd ask me out ~ am I really his girlfriend or not?

Does he like Kelsey better, perhaps?

She is trying to make him interested.

She must be laughing at me, while she is criticising me to him and I'm over here looking confused and miserable.


Of course, I don't know Kelsey or Katherine. I don't know what sorts of personalities they have. I don't know how they feel about each other.

Girls have a tendency to try to out-do each other when it comes to boys.

When I was younger, one girl used to sit by my boyfriend, leaving me to either sit elsewhere, looking like a gooseberry, or make a fuss and look desperate.

Another used to go on about how much she fancied him.

How do you think I felt?

Yes, it was nice to know that I was the one he had chosen, but I still felt awkward and a bit foolish. It's a bit embarrassing to have to pretend that it doesn't bother you, whilst another girl is trying to take your boyfriend's attention away from you.

But you may well be too young to be 'going out' anyway.

It seems very likely that what you said you would be thinking, is what she is really thinking...
What I need to do is tell Kelsey that I am only her friend, and that Katherine is my real g/f.
About how they feel about eachother...I know that they are not friends nor enemies.
Yeah, you're story can be related to alot of people inmy class...

As for "going out", I totaly understand your point, and I totaly agree. But do you think going to the movies is okay? Is it even okay for 8th graders to have bf/gf?

Thanks so much for the help PDM.

well yes i agree with you..tell kelsey how you honestly feel about her...dont lead her on anything but taking who to the movies kelsey or your girlfriend.? if its kelsey no dont do that! thats why you have your girlfriend she probably makes a move and you will cheat

Okay, but I never planned on taking Kelsey to the movies.
Thanks for the help...

I have a daughter in Year 8 ~ which, I think, may be a similar age to 8th grade, but not sure?? Year 8, here, is for 12 - 13 year-olds. I think that this is too young for boyfriends / girlfriends, but I know that some of her friends are going out with boys. And I know that when I was young, kids had boyfriends / girlfriends within school, but not 'going out', so I can see why you have opted for this choice and I think that it is sensible.

Really, I think you & Katherine need to ask your & her parents if they are Ok with you going to the cinema ~ if that is what you want to do. Perhaps they could take you, but sit in a different place or see a different film? Or perhaps you could go in a group?

I think that you are right about making it clear to Kelsey that she is a friend but that Katherine is your girlfriend. You may all be very young, and some people might not think that this is a very serious matter, but it is only fair, on both girls to be honest with them.

Yes, similar. 8th grade is 13-14 so pretty much the same. I am perfectly fine with just being her b/f actually. But it seems that so many people "go out" in my school and my friends schools. I'm not saying I'm going to do what everyone else does, just that we wouldn't be the only people "going out" if we chose to.

Oh, definitly. My parents won't let me go anywhere alone yet so they could come and then sit in a different place. But I would have to consult with my and her parents to see if they are okay with us going to the movies, even though we have gone once before to the movies. Or we could go in a group - I know that is popular these days.

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I mean, I'm not going to marry her or anything...just be her g/f in middle achool & possibly high school. Yeah, I'll be honest with Kelsey...it'll be tough, and embaressing, but it will be the right thing to do.

Good luck!
You sound very mature for 13/14.

I ditto to what 3budgie said.

Thanks PDM!
I'll talk to her today.

Which do you like more? It's a hard decision, but one that must be made. Or if you are really concerned about either one's feelings, remain friends.
Ps. I'm sixth grade, and personally, I'd pick one or the other.

Oh, I like Katherien more, because we are basically bf/gf. I am a bit concerned with their feelings, but I think Kelsey will understand. She's a good friend...Oops, forgot to tell her today...definitly tomorow though!

Ooops, Katherine just read this whole post...I feel like such a loser...

I think you should talk to Katherine and ask her if she wants things to be different, and tell her friends to butt out of their best friends personal lives, It sounds like her friends alo have no lives, so they need to get some. btw, Katherine sounds very pretty

I'm sure that she will understand.

PDM- Yeah, she understood comepletly which I didn't expect and we ended up making a joke out of it.
XOCatalinaOX- Okay, I'll ask her. Yeah, she's pretty hot. But how did she seem pretty?

a little birdy told me

lol

I...I'm really sorry, but I'm getting mixed messages. I thought she was already your girlfriend and you two kissed? Just tell Kelsey that it won't work out between you two and that Katherine is already your girlfriend. Also, I highly reccomend NOT taking your parents with you. Maybe to be in another theater, but if you feel the moment or anything and you put your arm around her or kiss her, would you feel comfotorable with parents watching that? Good luck.

Oh, sorry yowo. I actually just asked out Katherine yesterday, and she said yes. And yes, we have kissed...on a dare. Oh, and sorry I didn't post this, but I did tell Kelsey that and she was fine with it, so everything is good. No, we actually went to the movies on saturday and my parents weren't there...and I totally understand what you mean, yowo. Thanks yowo