I have never been so confused in my whole dang life. I'm going to try the abridged version here because its soooo freaking complicated and before anyone says it yes I know, if you have to say its complicated, it ain't good.

So a couple years ago nearly a year after my divorce I met a guy on a volunteer project. In hindsight, there was some crazy flirting coming from him at the time however I was a little...not paying attention. Close to the time the project is over, he says he's leaving the country to go to grad school. Asks me to mail him packages. I say ok because at this point I had started to notice that he was definitely my type and he was a really great guy also who I wanted to keep in touch with.

Over the year we keep in touch via email primarily. Sometimes we talked about serious issues sometimes just jokes. At one point I gather up all the courage in the world that I have and tell him that I'm crushing on him. He tells me very plainly that he has no romantic feelings for me (those were his exact words). So I say ok to that and decide that his friendship is still worth a lot to me and I went on with my life. Still talked to him via email all the time.

He graduates and decides to stay there for another year, and at this point i'm still crushing but not delusional...i'm out dating other guys having a good time but something about him.....anyway I hadn't talked to him for a while and one day he sends me a quote...."Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"
I think its nice and thoughtful (he knows I like positive quotes) I tell him so and leave it at that and put it out of my mind. Meanwhile a mutual friend of ours tells me that she got an email from him....which is odd considering he had never emailed her in the whole time he'd been gone. She said he was telling her stuff in a way thar seemed like he wanted it to get back to me, to which i'm thinking then why the heck doesn't he just um talk to me?? But I put all of it out of my mind until the next time I hear from him which is a couple weeks later he sends me another quote "If you want something you've never had you have to do something you've never done"
Sooo I write back that he was giving me an idea.....that was a lie I had no clues I was just intrigued at this point and wondering if he was saying something else or what and I was feeling playful. Surprise to me he answered right away so an email IM kinda thing goes on where he asked me what the idea was.....remember I said I didn't have one well I made up one on the spot but then I chickened out and told him i wanted to play a game with him but it was silly and he probly wouldn't be up for it anyway. So he replies with a repeat of the quote. So I give in and ask him if he wants to play a game where we only speak in quotes, no matter what is said. He said sure so the game was on! For a couple of days we went back and forth and I laid some intentionally vague zingers on the line nothing over the top just you know.....ambiguous stuff. He wound up bowing out and after a little good natured teasing I let him.

Since then, we've talked a little more than before.....and about a week ago I sent him a serious email about an issue that i'm pretty absorbed with. He replies that he would like to call me to discuss it. So I say ok, and give him my number.....4 days no call so that kinda made me confused i'm like did he say that just so i would stop emailing him? Drove me nuts! Finally I sent him an email and was like look if you just didn't want me to email you anymore hot topics all you had to do was say so. Later that day he sends one back that said hang on i'm going to call you right now. Right now as it turned out was like 3 in the morning for him but he did call and we spent about an hour on the phone. The issue that he was so hot to discuss on the phone was never raised, we just shot the breeze. I told him about 10 minutes into it that he should go to sleep and he said he didn't want to knowing that I was upset with him. So I told him I wasn't angry I was confused....blah blah smoothed over and we just like I said chitchatted.

So that brings me to here. I'm still completely totally nuts for this guy, and I know what he said, that he wasn't interested. I'm just not picking up the vibe that he's not! There are so many little things he's done that indicate otherwise.....some say if a guy says he's not he's just not some say pay attention to how he acts not his words. I'm in my 30's I thought I left all this stuff behind years ago but apparently not. I don't think he's screwing with my head, he's not that type. BUT I just don't know anymore. Any input would be appreciated and thank you for reading this far. I tried to make it short but I failed