Hi Lady J & welcome
You are in your 30s; you have known him for 2 years, you really like him, you have flirted, e-mailed, chatted on the phone at 3 in the morning, and heard messages from him via the grapevine, and you still don't have a clue whether he likes you, as you like him.
It sounds as if it was about a year after you met, and a year ago that this happened:
'At one point I gather up all the courage in the world that I have and tell him that I'm crushing on him. He tells me very plainly that he has no romantic feelings for me (those were his exact words).'
It is possible that he has changed his mind, but I can certainly understand you not wanting to hear the same thing from him again; or ruining the friendship you now have. On the other hand, you need to know, really. You say that you have been getting on with your life, dating and putting thoughts of him to one side, yet you also say that you are 'still completely totally nuts for this guy'
If you have been keeping in touch all this time, what exactly did he say, in the e-mail to your friend, that seemed to concern you?
Are you sure that you are still keen on him, or is it just the idea of him?
Have you actually seen each other since that volunteer project and how long did you spend with him at the time?
Has he had girlfriends during this time?
Has he kept in touch with the mutual friend?
Rather than asking him, again, if he 'likes' you, you could just admit to not really knowing if there was some meaning behind the quotes that he sent and tell him that you are intrigued to know if there was something there that you should have picked up on.
