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#344099 - 12/28/08 04:04 PM I don't know how to deal with this anymore...
ßÄУµÇK1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
My mom isn't getting any better. Still yelling at me and i am on antidepressants now and they help a bit to deal with the constant yelling but my dad is starting to ignore me and what i have to go through now i am beginning to feel completely alone. he tells me i have to deal with it and if i need to call him at work to do so. well i call him practically in tears because my mom just wont leave me alone and he talks to her and she stops for a bit and it starts again i just lock my self in my room to try to refrain from actually hurting her then she calls my dad who then yells at me when he gets home for not being able to work it out with out him. He has no clue what is happening while he is at work no matter what i tell him he thinks that i am lieing. I just can't stand it anymore. When he is home she is perfectly fine and leave me alone for the most part but when he is not it is a living hell in my house. He keeps telling me i have to deal with it but how am i supposed to do that? talk to my mom? she is sick and can't comprehend that all the yelling is driving me towards suicide or murder. My psychologist tells me i should have more patience and i try to but i don't have nearly enough to deal with it. My psychiatrist tells me to avoid my mom but i cant because if i leave my dad will yell at me even more because my mom will call him telling him i left. It doesn't help that every weekend when i would have a chance to be by my self that my dad makes me go with him and my mom shopping with them and i just follow them around like a dog on a leash and don't do a dang thing. How can i get my dad to realise how badly i need some time alone?

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#344115 - 12/28/08 04:52 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: ßÄУµÇK1674]
me3000 Offline
Regular

Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 85
Loc: United States
ill tell you what usually helps me..
case may be a lil diff but any advise might help
..
when you go into your room... turn on some music... that you like .. better if its not talking about suicide or the likes.. (just because it will keep you thinking about that)
and (just to be sure .. r u a male or female?)
i read in another post that you r 15 rite?

but ok..
i have been through something similar.. and well it helps to write things down.. after that you can tear the paper up or whatever..
if you dont want to do a journal like thing then make it into a poem or a song or something..

as far as the shopping goes.. i can still only suggest things to try... you might ask if you can -if ur interested in video games- ask to go to the electronics and have them run by to get you when they r done..
or maybe bring something to listen to while you walk with them..
if music doesnt help then i will try to help think of another way.. but music is a big influence for me...

Hope this helps..
best wishes..
and i know you have prolly heard this a dozen times but
things tend to get better even when they r at their worst
:-D

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#344117 - 12/28/08 04:57 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: ßÄУµÇK1674]
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered


Whew --- sorry you have to go through all this.

My immediate thought, with regard to your last sentence, is: Ask your psychologist to step in. I know that seems radical but I think if he/she can talk with your dad, maybe they can figure out something that will help you get some moments of "down time" from the stress.

I give you credit for locking yourself in your room rather than lashing out at your mother.

I'm not taking your dad's side here, but I want to point out that he obviously cares about you, and told you to call him at work whenever you need to (which is more than many parents would do). He is probably very stressed out, worrying about you, your mom, his job, and other stuff.

At the same time, though, he IS a parent and it sounds like he's struggling to manage the situation.

Do you have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who could help out?

Again, please try to ride out this chaotic time and see if your psychologist can work something out with your dad...

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#344118 - 12/28/08 05:04 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: ]
me3000 Offline
Regular

Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 85
Loc: United States
i agree as well with Pudgie's Mom..
and that is a good suggestion... is there anyone in the family that you are close too that you feel comfortable talking with...

how often do you see your psychologist?
and are you an only child?

Sorry for the hardships.. :-(

BTW just so you know i am about your age as well.. (16)
idk if that matters but there you ge neways.. :-D

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#344122 - 12/28/08 05:10 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: me3000]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I'm no where near your age. I'm an old man of 65. But I care about what is happening to you and the way that life is treating you.

One thing that is good, I think. You're able to talk to us.

It's good to have friends, don't you think?

Try to hold on. Just a little while longer, and you can legally be on your own.

I know - two years or so is not "a little while" to you.

But we're on your side!
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#344126 - 12/28/08 05:44 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello J.

I am sorry to hear that you are having problems again.

And I agree with all the other comments on here

You say that your Mum is ill.
What is the matter with her?
What does she do?
Is she having any treatment for her problem?

Why is your Mum angry at you?
What is she actually 'yelling' about?
Does she get out much?
Does she have friends?

Would it be possible for you all to have family counselling?

At least you have your Dad and your psychologist to talk to ~ and us!

As for your Dad, it must be a huge worry to him that your mother is ill and knowing that you are so stressed that you need to see a psychiatrist. And he has to go to work. He is only human. He probably isn't getting enough sleep, if I'm guessing correctly. When men can't cope, they often retreat into themselves. It may appear that he is ignoring you, but I think that it is probably just a coping mechanism for him, so that he can stay well enough to look after you.

He has arranged counselling for you and he lets you telephone him at work ~ that's an option that wouldn't be available to many young people. I know it's hard, but just try to find the positive in all this.

One reason that teenage years are difficult, is that kids are going through a hormonal time and their Mums are often going through a hormonal time too. Add in health problems, and that is a recipe for the stresses that you are experiencing.

How long is it until you will be able to go off to college?
Are you able to go to the summer camps, etc, that I see in a lot of American TV shows?

Is there a youth club, or sports club, homework club, or anything, that you could join, so that you are tied up at weekends and have some time away from your parents?

Do you have any relatives or friends, who you could stay with, for a break?

There are some things that you can try. They might make you feel highly emotional, but they might get rid of some of your anger, despair and frustration. You could ask your psychiatrist about them:

~ Punch a pillow or cushion ~ make sure that it is strong but soft.
~ Slap the wall with a wet (not dripping wet) towel ~ don't let the floor get wet and slippery, or you could get into trouble.
~ Write a letter, as Brittanie suggested, with all your concerns in it, and then destroy it.

I agree, in theory, about patience, but theory and practice are not the same. Does your psychiatrist realise how bad you feel?
Pudgie's Mom may be right about asking 'your psychologist to step in.'

Try to ride this out. When you are just a little older, things will most likely improve. smile

There is usually someone on the forum to talk to, so put your thoughts on here if it helps. I hope that it does. smile

_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#344157 - 12/28/08 08:26 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: PDM]
Amaggiepie Offline
Great Friend

Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 468
Loc: Baltimore, MD
Im sorry your going through this. I had a lot of the same problems with my mom, and just moved out this year (when I turned 18). We have always had a rough relationship, but when I was 16, I had a baby, and since she found out I was pregnant, it was like she suddenly hated me.

We still dont have a good relationship, but since I have moved my life has gotten a lot better. I know its hard, but just try to be patient. Maybe plan to do some things like clubs, etc. to take up your time. I used to read and write alot. Also, maybe when you turn 16 you could get a part time job. This would keep you busy and also help you save up money to move out later on and for things you want.

I hope you are able to work things out. Please keep us posted.
_________________________
~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!

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#344169 - 12/28/08 10:39 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: Amaggiepie]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
Wow, you are really going through a major tough spot. It's hard enough being a teenager without all the added stress. I wish I had some answers for you.
Do you ever meet with your psychologist with your dad there too? If not, I think maybe you should try to arrange it. Maybe that way..hearing it from your doc..your dad would finally realize that you DO need a break from your mom. That you need time to yourself to decompress before you have a nervous breakdown. I don't understand why you should have to go shopping with them, unless it's because your dad doesn't want to have to go alone with your mom? I have no idea just how bad your mom's condition is or even what it is for that matter. But I do know that you need time to yourself- even if it's just while they are shopping it would give you a little break.Heck, even without having to deal with your mom's constant yelling and stuff you should have time to yourself! You're a teenager, and yeah I believe teenagers need some space and a chance to make decision and choices in order to grow.
Do you have friends that you can stay with for a weekend or something? Or aunts, uncles,cousins that know your situation and would be willing to help? Maybe even by just coming to your house and spending time with your mom or taking her out for a while?
Wow, sometimes life really does suck huh? But you need to hang in there.
You really, really, really need to talk things over with your psychologist and get him/her to talk to your dad about cutting you some slack and giving you time to yourself before you explode. Hopefully if he hears it from the doc it will open his eyes to what you are really going through.Although I do think dad is doing the best he can under the circumstances. He probably doesn't know how to deal with it all himself and I'm sure it scares him.
Hang tough, better days are coming I promise.You're getting older every day and soon you'll be able to get a job, drive a car, and eventually move out.
And like everyone else said-if you need to talk and vent,hell scream holler or cry we ARE here for you.
_________________________



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#344172 - 12/28/08 11:38 PM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: kksuns]
*helwa
Unregistered


very sorry that this is happening, my first thought is ... move out ... but i do not know how old you are, so that might not be an option, enless you have relatives you can stay with.

My second thought is to record it. most cell phones have a record option for voice notes, if not use the video function in your phones camera.

or get a cheap voice recorder, or even most old time tape players will record voice.

do it just so your dad and psychologist can hear it to see what is really going on, and i would absolutely have your psychologist step in, that is their job.

and the ideas about finding other activities to do, outside of the house are for sure good ideas, try to occupy yourself outside the home as often as you can.

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#344177 - 12/29/08 08:55 AM Re: I don't know how to deal with this anymore... [Re: ]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
I also thought of recording it. If there is any way you can, then I'd say it's worth a try.Something has to open your dad's eyes to just how bad things are.
I thought about you and all you are going through alot last night and this morning. I'm very worried about you. If you are on antidepressants and you have thought about suicide, you really need to tell your dad and your psychologist about it.PLEASE!!!
I wish there was something I could do to help you out. If it were an option I would let you come stay with my family in a heartbeat, but since you don't even know us and you live in California and we in NY I don't see it happening.
I'm sorry I must have missed a previous thread about this, so I don't know what is wrong with your mom. How long ago did this start? and how were things between you before she got sick?
I know one thing-as a mom myself I can only hope that if I somehow ended up treating one of my kids that way because of an illness or otherwise, I would hope that my husband (their father) would do ANYTHING to get them out of the line of fire! Apparently your mom does not realize what she is doing to you, and if she were aware of it she too would tell your dad to get you out of the situation before you go crazy or before you lose all the love you have for her.She's your mom and I'm sure she loves you and wouldn't want you to be going through this.
Talk to your psychologist as soon as you can and tell him/her about you suicidal thoughts and also get him to talk to your dad.I don't know if there are support groups for people going through similar situation but your psychologist might know. I think it would help to be able to talk to others who have or are going through similar situation. It would help just knowing you are not the only one and maybe someone who's been there themselves can give you suggestions as to how to deal.
_________________________



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