RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating desperate for advice!!

Hello! I'm in my early 20s, and I recently met a guy about 3 months ago who is my same age. We've talked almost every day since we met but did not date at first becasue I had just gotten out of a relationship. We have alot in common, and i'm very attracted to him. For the first time in a long time, I get the "butterflies" in my stomach feeling, and I can actually see myself with him. He's made me so happy even though we aren't a couple. He has told me repeatedly how beautiful of a person he thinks I am and how much he likes me. Sounds great right?

Well, here is the problem. He has a little bit of a past and has a son from a previous relationship. The mother has nothing to do with the child, so he raises the kid with the help of his family. I think having a child has made him grow up alot. I've never dated anyone before with a kid, so this is all new to me. I feel that I can probably look past the fact that he has a son and is only 20 years old. I'm worried though that my conservative family will not accept it and will try to force me not to see him. We aren't officially dating yet, because i'm not sure what to do. Should I try this out or just move on and be his friend? And if I do decide to date him, what would be a good way to break the news to my family or to make them be more accepting? I know i'm young, and there are plenty of guys my age who don't have children that I could date. I'm just so confused and don't want to upset my family! Any advice will be greatly appreciated!!

Hello Southernbelle
Welcome!

I can understand your concerns, but, if you are deciding who to date, then I think one important thing is whether or not this young man is a good and decent person & whether you get on well together.

The other very important matter is the welfare of the child. He has to be this man's priority and you have to be willing to accept ~ and possibly even try to love ~ him, if you are to have a relationship with his father.

It's not a case of looking past the child; it os a matter of accepting the child, completely. Father & child are a package ~ or should be.

After this, the concerns of your family may be relevant, but you are an adult, he is an adult & the two of you have to make your own life decisions.

You are young, though, and your parents may be able to guide you through some ideas and give you some advice. Nevertheless, sometimes parents have to accept that their children are growing up.

There is a lot to think about here, but, for now, you are just friends ~ you are not yet in a relationship, so just see how it goes.

I agree that you should respect your parents, especially if you are living under their roof, but if you make a mature adult decision, then you need to talk to them clearly, rationally, politely and confidently about your intentions. And the respect needs to be mutual.

Good luck

Thank you so much for the advice! You've really made me think about alot and have helped me a great deal! I guess i'm just confused seeing as that he's the first person i've felt this way about who already has a child. He really is a great guy, and I really love spending time with him. He accepts me for who I am, and we get along so well. We talked for over three hours yesterday, and it was amazing! I think i'm going to give him (and his son!) a shot, and hopefully my family will be accepting! I'm beginning to think that maybe they'll see how happy he has made me so far and will be okay with it.

Great!
Good luck!

I know this is easier to say then do but casually bring up to your family -- will you be willing to accept the situation if hes the one that makes me truly happy. Also consider if you are in love with him. If you really are then hopefully you two being happy together and in love your family will accept - they might be stubborn at first - your decision. Im sure he's feeling torn between wanting you and loving you and knowing that another person he loves - his kid and dealing with that factor. You need to do what makes you happy - otherwise you will spend forever waiting for it to come along and being stuck in limbo waiting for life to happen will never satisfy you.

navygirl