RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Please Help me!

Hi

I think that you were right to tell her about that man's messages.

If she won't believe you, well, that is her choice, but at least you tried.

Since you love her, it is not surprising that you are concerned about what this man is saying.

She should listen, because this is not good at all.

If she ignores or disbelieves you, then perhaps she would believe her friends.

She is sleeping with another man and calling you a liar.
In my opinion, it is time for you to move on.
I cannot tell you what to do, though.

You cannot really please her, because she has made the decision to leave you and to go to him; to disbelieve you and to believe him. She has made the choice ~ and it does not sound like a good one.

If she is with another man, she has no right to demand your affection.

At 21, she is still very young. She may not be ready, yet, for a serious commitment ~ especially as she moved in with you when she was even younger still.

I think that you are right to consider moving on. You should be with someone who will be a good partner to you ~ not someone who demands your attention while sleeping with another man ~ a man who sends disgusting texts about her.

She does need to learn the truth about him though. She is very young, & probably vulnerable, and he sounds lacking in respect ~ but I would let her friends tell her ~ the ones who already know and told you to contact her ~ you have already tried and she called you a liar.

I'm sorry to hear about all this & I hope that things work out well.

And please don't call yourself a loser ~ do try to be positive!

Hello, I am sorry you are having so many problems with your girlfriend. It really sounds like your girlfriend and you had a pretty good relationship before it went off track. I say this because you were together for two years. Sometimes a woman can be a little discontent or unhappy with a man because he doesn't talk sweetly or show his love. Sometimes a woman doesn't realize how important these thing are until another man shows her that kind of attention. You have admitted that you see you could have been better. She was liking what you were saying and doing. Maybe you don't know what to do but there are a couple of things that you do know.

First of all you know you love her.

Second, you know she loves you because she keeps calling and she was with you for two years.

Third, you know this other man is dishonest, disrespectful and is a snake. He is lieing to her and he is manipulating her. He probably only talked to her sweetly to get what he wants.

You say she lied to you at first and you think she is still lieing, but you don't know that he is telling the truth either. He may be lieing to you so that he can make her leave you for good.

I think it is possible that she was attracted to him and liked the attention but she has pretty much told you that she wants that same attention from you. You ask if you should try. You say you don't know if it is worth it if it is going to turn out that you loose her anyway. Well, if you don't try, you probably will loose her to that snake.

You say it doesn't matter if she slept with him and that is very understanding of you. It is very possible that she is telling you the truth. That tells you that there is hope because she doesn't want you to know even if it is true. Yes she could be trying to have both of you. I think it is more likely that she still loves you and she wishes you would try to win her back. Your the only one that can say if she is worth it. If you still want her and love her, I would be very worried that this man is going to be around her. I think if you show her that you care and tell her that you won't settle for sharing her you would be telling her what she wants to hear. Maybe she wants you to show her you care enough to make the effort. As for the messages he is sending you. Why don't you show her your cell phone. If she doesn't believe it when she sees the message, then nothing will convince her. At least you wouldn't just be giving up. Do you really want this guy to date the girl you love? If you don't protect her from him who will?

Quite frankly I think if she needs to take a break, then you need to make her take a break from you until she has decided she really does love you and want to be with you. I'm sure she is confused as well right now; however, how can she truly make any sort of decision while remaining in constant contact with you, and dragging you through her other relationship. It's up to you to protect yourself, your sanity, and ask her to respect you and give you the space you both need to sort this out.

You say you love her and miss her, but how do you feel about her cheating on you? Essentially, this is what she's doing while she's figuring her life out- as long as she keep you on a leash. If you were truly taking a break, you wouldn't be in contact with each other as often as you are.

Also, I think it is disrespectful of her to keep asking you to do favors for her while she is giving her time to somebody else. If she needs a man to do her favors, she should have her new friend do them for her.

Stand up for your best interests. Good luck.

I think that both Joandboys & SunnyDayz make some very good points.

Hello my friend, Thank you very much for you time, here I have some new update.
Well Last week she called me and asked me if i could visit her in her mum's place, she was sick for last two weeks, anyhow I went to visit her and took care of her for about 5 days. I had very good time with her.she was very happy becoz i took good care of her ( which i always do when she is ill).
Now I really dont know what to do anymore... when i am with her she keep telling me how much she loves me and she also keep telling me that she very happy that i showed up in her mum's place. i am kind of sure that she did had a very good time when i was with her. so do i.

Oh one more thing I just back home today thats why i didnt get time to write what is going on with me these few days. from the way she is acting i can feel and see that she still love me very much but the only problem is that i think she still dont know what she want. she asked me if i am ok with she is dating with other guy or not, I told her dont worry becoz we are taken a break so she can do pretty much whatever she want. (but she get pretty sad or jealous when my other female friends call me or SMS me. before I went to her place i forgot to Deleted some SMS i got from some of my ex girlfriends, she check my phone as always and when she saw these SMS she was very sad and Jealous).
Anyway, what i like to say is that, she still acting or sounds like she love me as used to be. but at the same time she still want go out with other guy. so after i went to her place i really dont know what i should do now. before i went to her mum's place i am almost sure that i gonna move on. but after visit her I feel i am lost again. but at the same time some times she really dont care about how i feel, i dont know if she know that she hurt my feels sometimes or not. yesterday before I left her mum's place, she told me she want go to visit the other guy. so she went to his place right way......
I really got lost now, I try to dating with other girls for now time too.

by the way I showed her the SMS which the guy sent to me from his phone,but I dont know if she believe it or not, I mean she she read the SMS she didnt say anything and after all she still went to visit him. so I did what i can, and if she get back with that guy and he treat her like [censored] than is not my problem right?coz i did warn her about it.

All I can say is that I think that you are more tolerant, patient, caring & understanding than any other male who I have ever heard of.

I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

Do you really think that it is acceptable for her to say she loves you and for you to take care of her while she is dating and sleeping with another man?

What would she do if it were the other way round?

You say that she is already jealous.
Maybe she want to make you jealous, too.

Perhaps she thinks that you cannot really love her, if you don't mind her sleeping with another man.

Maybe she would prefer it if you were less tolerant.

She might want you to say that you love her, but that you cannot consider being there for her if she is sleeping with someone else, and that, if she loves you, she will come back to you ~ otherwise you will have to move on.

thank you again my friend for your time.
I have been thinking about what I want for last few days, I think i know what i want now. but still not sure. so let see what gonna happen tomorrow.
I have been try to get her back and i did forgive her for cheat on me. but at the same time i think its kind of hard for me to keep getting hurt by her.
and all of you are right if she loves me than she shouldn't hurting me all the times.
maybe she is just too young to understand the meaning of love or relationship. maybe for her love is just to have fun, or maybe she dont know that she is keep hurting me by tell me how much she loves me and at the same times sleep with another man. i do forgive her for all that, becoz i was young once and i also did some stupid thing like she is doing right now.
or maybe she is just not the right person for me,its hard to give up but i think i should try my best to move on.
i have been stop calling her for sometimes now, but she keep calling me, just now she call (she was on the way to the other mans place, she told me she just wanna talk to me becoz she cant call me when she is with him). anyway I think i had enough.I still love her very much but at the same time i feel that if you love someone so much you should let her or him be happy with whatever reason. I love her so I should let her gone.
one of her friend talk to me today, he asked me what is going on with me and her i told him I dont know what is going on. than he told me what she said to him. he said to me, she told him that me and her still boy and girlfriend. and we are just taken a break but she also told him that she want get back with me.she also said to him that she dont know if she love me like used to be or she love me like friend... so i think i got her answer from her friend.
anyway, I think I did what ever i can to get her back, I allow her to sleep with another man, I forgive her for cheat on me.I took good care of when when she was ill, and she real want an ipod and i bought it for her (it cost me about 350 dollars). so after all what i have done, i think and feel that i wont regret for anything. if she get regret thats her problem. maybe I will feel bad about not take good care about my relationship with her before things went wrong.

do you think i did enough? she asked me today what i gonna do tomorrow and i told her i am going for dinner with another girl (the girl i met few months back she likes me and she have been try to hug out with me for few months now, yesterday i met her and she ask me to visit her place so she can make dinner for me). than she start to say maybe we should invite her for dinner in our place too. she was jealous about that, thats why she told me we should invite her to our home when she come back next week or so.
oh one more thing i forgot to say, I have decided move to USA or Japan.(which i always wanted to do that but the only hold me back was her), so last time when i was in her mums place i told her that i want move to the USA or Japan and i also told her that i gonna sell all my stuff. but she wasnt happy about it, she ask me to wait until she know what she want. yesterday i told her again that i will start to sell my stuff, she start get sad and asked me can you please wait for sometimes, she said to me 'if i decided to stay with you than we have to buy everything again, so please wait'.
the reason I want to move is becoz now i have nothing to hold me back, and than i also want have new start with my life. but right now she still try to hold me back.
she said to me that she was very happy that i went to visit her and took care of her. and also said that she is very happy that i start to show my emotions. she say that last two years i never show any emotions. ( but she dont understand why i dont show my emotions to other people, I had a hard life before and i dont want people to know that, everything think i am a happy person but no one knows that my heart is crying and bleeding for last 20 years or so. my parents got killed when i was 2 years old. than the govt put me in Jail when i was 14 years old and i spent 3 years horrified time in prison, thats why i always try to hid my feels and emotions). anyway what she said is that I should show my emotions to her.and if I am sad i can cry in front, but the problem is i haven't cry since when i was 10 years old. no matter what ever happens i never cry becoz i know cry wont change a thing. but she thing i should. becoz she said that if i love her i shouldnt be shamed......
anyway i am sorry to tell you all my problems. i think i just need someone to talk.
well do you think i am doing the right thing now? i mean going to another girls place for dinner? and try to give up and move on? maybe she got too much love from me and she think no matter whatever she do i will keep love her and have her back. i dont know. maybe i shouldnt keep try since day one.
PS I forgot to say is that I think that guy give my phone number to one of the Embassy (that govt always threaten me thats why i have been changing my phone number all the times).i have changed my phone number 2 months back. theres no way that they will get my number this fast. but the problem is they got my number now and start treating me again. i havent get any threat from that govt for sometimes now but since the few days that guy write stupid sms to me and now i get threat from that govt again.

You have had a very rough time and I am really sorry to hear of the pain you have suffered.

I think that you have been amazingly patient with this girl.

I can only give my personal response.

If my son were in your situation, I think that I would advise him to move on, because a girl who phones a boy she supposedly loves, on the way to sleep with another man, is not girlfriend material, in my opinion. Maybe she does love you, in her own way, but she does not seem to be treating you with true care or respect.

She wants you to trust her, by showing your feelings, but how can you completely trust a girl who is behaving like this? If she was ready for a caring relationship with you, then she would understand about your past and how it has affected your emotions. She may just be too young and immature to understand that her bahaviour is not really acceptable.

But you are willing to accept her behaviour and forgive. In that case, I don't see how she will respect you long-term if you are willing to just stand back, apparently unconcerned, while she sleeps with another man.

Why not tell her that you love her and are willing to accept what she has done, but, if you are going to get back together, this scenario cannot go on any longer, and she must make her choice. Either she returns to you now, and you try to make a go of it, or she does not return now, and you move on ~ possibly to Japan or the USA.

Those are just my thoughts. Only you can decide what is right for you and what you must do.

You and she obviously care about each other, but is it enough for a long-term relationship?
Or should you just remain friends?

What do you think?

Good luck and take care!