RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Please Help me!

thank for your understanding my friend, yes you are right I feel the same that she show me nor respect for what so ever. I think its time to let her go on her own way and i go my own way. I think i will not telling her anything about what i am going to do from now on. I mean I should keep my own dream alive, now i have nothing to keep me back here so i think I should start get my life together and move on. I think it gonna take few months for me to get everything ready and move out from this country.I do care about her and love her but I dont want she keep hurting me. she will come back home in two weeks or maybe next week, than i think i should just ask her to take all her stuff with her. today i called some companies and asked them to stop some of my services ( like TV,telephone....) it gonna take about 3 months all the services i have, than i can start move....
thank you again my friend foreverything and your understand, I will keep update and let you know what is going on.
regarding

Whatever you do, I hope that it works out well.

It is important to think very carefully before making big decisions. Be sure that you are happy with what you have decided.

Good luck with whatever you do.

You have had a very difficult time with this girl and I agree with many of the things that PDM has said. However, I would like to present another point of view on your relationship with this girl. I agree that it can't really go on like this. The reason I say this is that you are sounding like you are getting even more hurt as time goes by. You can only forgive so much and then anger and resentment builds up and turns love sour. I hear the things that you say your girlfriend says and I keep thinking that these are the words of a person who does care for you. I also think you are a gentle person who does not make his wants known very much. You expect this girl to understand that you love her and return that love because she can see you care. On the other hand, you have allowed her to do as she pleases. I do not want to hurt your feelings but I have to be honest. You are acting more like a friend than a lover. She asked you if you minded if she saw this man and you practically said it was ok. You tell us that she has hurt you but I don't think you have told her. She can't read your mind. She should know that her actions hurt you, but if you don't seem to mind and you tell her that you both are taking a break then you have pretty much told her that you are not passionate about her. If she is confused about whether she likes you as a friend it is because you are acting like a friend and not a lover. I am giving you the point of view from the other side. You tell us that you are hurt by her actions, but if you told her, she would know you really cared. I think she has given you plenty of hints and opportunities to fight for her and show her your passion and you have just taken the understanding, considerate patient role. I think she wants a boyfriend who shows her he loves her by getting angry and jealous over someone sleeping with his girl. I think she wants a boyfriend who shows her that he wants her to make up her mind who she wants. I think she wants you to tell her to stop hurting you and walking on you because you won't stand for it any more. If she went to this man after you were there it is because she wanted to compare the passion. You don't have to express your feelings every day. You don't seem to have a problem showing them in your actions. Instead of telling us how you feel, you should at least tell her once what is really on your mind. By the way, I don't think she want's you to be understanding. I think she wants you to tell her she can't do it anymore. Try it and see if I am right. What do you have to loose?

I really do agree with you, Jo, that was why I said:

'Maybe she want to make you jealous, too.
Perhaps she thinks that you cannot really love her, if you don't mind her sleeping with another man.
Maybe she would prefer it if you were less tolerant.
She might want you to say that you love her, but that you cannot consider being there for her if she is sleeping with someone else'

I didnt know that i am acting like friend, to be Honest I just try to make thing easy for her thats all. ofcoz she ask me if i minded or not but no matter what i say she will go to him anyway so i dont think its needed to say anything, but I did told her so many times that I am very Jealous when ever she go to met him. sometimes when she stay home in her mum's place than say say are you happy now that I am not with him? and i told her that i am very happy, and than she start to say see I am a good girlfriend! maybe the only thing i didnt tell her is that her action hurting me more and more and she keep hurting me.
today she got angry with me again, becoz i start smoke ( I have stop smoke about 5 years back but these few days lots of thing happened but relation and politically. thats why i start smoke again, ( she SMS me and asked me what i am doing and i told her that I am having a beer and smoke than she called me back with 5 seconds or so and start ask me stop smoke right away). than i just told her i will stop but not today coz i am feel lonely and my mind is not working so i need some smoke. than i can feel that she is angry with me. anyhow she is angry with me again.
i dont know how many times i have told her that i not happy it make me sad that my girlfriend is sleep with another man. but i dont think she cares about that. sorry if i am wrong. I do get angry with her when ever she say she is going to met that guy but i never ask her to stop, becoz i feel thats her life and she should do whatever makes her feel happy.
the reason i say to her that we can take a break is becoz i dont want lose her, ( she want break up with me) i thought take a break could save our relationship. about show my feels i know i am bad with it but i am doing my best to show her how much i love her and how much i care about her, or maybe i am just show my love to her in wrong way, I dont know. i am not used to show my emotions and feels to anyone. so its kind of hard for me to know the right way to show. most times I show her i love her and care about her by action. maybe you are right that I am acting like friend than lover. my problem is i really dont want give hard time to others and i really dont want hurt any one. I am a kind of person that want others to be happy. well she always complain that i always think about others and dont think about myself that much. so maybe thats the another problem.
maybe i am wrong just try to understanding, I mean dont like to give orders special to the one I love. if i tell her that she cant do it anymore and she have to make up her mind it sounds like i am given order to her. well maybe i should give a try as you say what i gonna lose right.
I feel that she still cares about me and she still loves me but the way she is acting it different. she get jealous, she got angry becoz i start smoke again.she call me few times a days just to tell me she loves me. but what she doing is total different. thats why I am lost and dont know what to do.
Last time before i went to visit her, she have told her sister that two of us broke up, but when i was there she keep say we stick with take a break. and until now she keep say i got a good boyfriend and i am a good girlfried..... nor i know what my boyfriend want..... she never stop say my boyfriend this my boyfriend that...
about the move on decisions i made I dont know if that gonna make me happy or not, I just feel that i should keep move on becoz i really dont want keep getting hurt.
about the dinner with other girl tomorrow, i called her and told her that i cant come becoz i felt that I cant do that. I mean she seems dont mind and she also told me i can go to the dinner with that lady but i don't think she real want that.

well after all she will come back home in two weeks so maybe I should talk to her and tell her that i cant stay with her if she keep sleep with another man. i dont think is good to tell her that kind of thing on the phone dont you think so? i think it will be better if i tell her face to face...I have stop calling her and write to her for sometimes now, she call me all the time and when ever she calls me i answer the phone. do you think I should keep it up?

Yes, I read your post and we think alike on this as most times we do.

I think this is making you miserable and if you try telling her face to face exactly what you feel and want you have nothing to loose. The way it is now, you don't have a good relationship. You are unhappy and you can't move on either. If you put your foot down, she may tell you she wants to break up. If you continue this way, you will loose respect and love for her anyway. If you do tell her and she still stays with this man, I would not talk to her on the phone or visit her. Let her know you mean business. I think she will have to choose who to be with. I think you will win because you are gentle and considerate and you love her. The way it is now, she can have you and him, so she doesn't have to decide or choose. That isn't the way life is supposed to be. If you don't want to share her then don't.

Yes, and I think that a lot of people would agree ~ but there may be other ways of looking at this ~ indeed 'The Looser' seems to do so. ('The Looser' ~ that is such a negative name, I feel uncomfortable using it. :))

*

I see this as a bit like an open marriage, which is only open on one side.

'The Looser' ~ as the two people who have replied to you think somewhat alike on this, I am wondering if anyone else is advising you in any way. I find it very difficult to empathise because, to me, these are such unusual circumstances.

These are more common scenarios:

Girl finds boy attractive, but doesn't act on the attraction because she has a partner.

Girl finds boy attractive, and does act on the attraction, because she and her partner have an open relationship.

Girl finds boy attractive, and does act on the attraction because she is not in a relationship ~ though she may have an ex-boyfriend.

Girl finds boy attractive, so leaves her partner for him.

Girl finds boy attractive, so has an affair ~ which keeps secret from her boyfriend.


If she leaves her partner, they may stiil get back together.

If she has an affair and the boyfriend finds out, he may yet forgive her and they might stay together.


Your story does not fit into any of these categories.

You don't have an open relationship, because you are not sleeping with other women (are you?)

She hasn't really left you for him, and you are not really an 'ex', because she is keeping tabs on you and says that she is planning to return.

She is not having a secret affair, because she has told you all about it.

You are 'on a break' but haven't completely broken up.

To me, that would be like a husband agreeing to his wife going on holiday with another man and sleeping with him. I can see how, for some couples, this might be beneficial. However, for most, I think that it would not work and would be considered very unusual.

How would you react if one of your friends was in this situation?

You say that you want to go to Japan or the USA?
Where are you at present?

at present I am in Europe, anyway here i have some update,
first all she still dont believe that the guy sent me all the Disrespectful text message to my phone( I showed her from my phone). She thinks that somehow I made that up. but the funny thing for me is how can i write text message from his phone,its impassible to do that. but somehow she dont believe me for that, well I kind of kind of know why she dont believe me ( I think she just dont want to believe it, maybe she just wanna live in the dream she have about him). anyway when ever we talk about it we start fight.she dont want believe what i showed her and i felt that she is disrespect me.
more to come she is calling me now so i talk to her first than i keep the update