Sometimes you just have to accept that there is nothing that you can do to help people who won't help themselves.
This must be a very difficult time for your sister ~ and, indeed, for the whole family. I feel sad for those who cannot concieve, even for those who cannot conceive a second time, but I also think that they should be grateful, in the circumstances, that they have one healthy child ~ some people cannot have any.
I think that you are right about exercise and nourishment and their effects on conceiving. Surely the doctors have made it very clear to her that she must change her lifestyle, in order to encourage the likelihood of conception. Doesn't her husband impress this on her, too? This business must be affecting her health and their finances, I would have thought.
And I agree, if she has a child with whom she could be spending more quality time, then that is what she, as a good mother, should be doing.
You have tried comforting her and it doesn't seem to work. She is grieving for lost children, so she won't be very open to comfort offered by those who, she feels, cannot understand her plight. However, your support probably is
helping, even id she cannot see that.
... whenever she calls sobbing to me that they're never going to get pregnant, all I want to do is say: "Stop running, you're so selfish that you won't even stop running for the sake of trying to have a baby - after you've dropped in excess of $15k on trying to conceive. Why don't you think and praise the child you do have instead of sobbing about the child you won't slow down to have." ....
Instead, all I say is "I'm sorry and I wish there was something we could do for you so you wouldn't have to go through this" ....
Of course I would never say this to her because it's been said to her in the past by my parents - all that does is put more coal in the already burning fire of anger between my sister and my family. ...
Maybe it is time to say something.
Using the negative terms that you say under your breath probably would stir things up too much, but there are ways and ways of saying things. You would have to make it sound right. Maybe you could even write it in a letter.
You could say something like:Sis, you may not want to hear this, but it is time to be honest. I know that this situation is hard for you ~ and I really feel for you, as you know, but you are giving up without ever giving your body a chance to conceive. Your doctor has told you to take it easy, yet you have ignored him. If you don't look after yourself, then you will be wasting your money and your chances of having another baby. I don't want to sound harsh, but you must be realistic. There is no point in crying about this situation if you are not going to try your hardest to make it work. Eat properly and give your body a rest. And remenber, you have been luckier than many people with this problem; you have a lovely little boy. He needs his Mum. Try to relax more and enjoy your time with him.
I do not know what is right for your family, but I think that I might do this, if I were in a similar situation.
Good luck ~ to all of you