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Playing Cat and Mouse

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
What does it mean when a man shows a woman all the attention that he can muster and then turn into a block of ice in a blink of an eye? Itís only when I have had enough and throw up the white flag, he comes calling again with all the charm that first attracted me. When I show him genuine concern or affection he puts up a stop sign. When I obey that stop sign he is curious why? During conversation he leads but if I offer my input, it is all he can do to stay focused before changing the subject. He seems to purposely create situations where he is forced to leave hurriedly or seem as if he has more important things to do. If on the phone he will say that he will call back but rarely ever does. I donít look for him to call back most times.

He can be very sweet and charming one minute and very cold and critical the next. He has many friends, female and male alike. Everyone should be so lucky. But he honestly believes that I am jealous of every woman who speaks. We are not deeply enough involved for me to inquire. Itís been 8 months. The cat & mouse thing is getting old. Does he sound as if he is playing games?

RomanceClass.com Advice
It does sound like he has serious issues with commitment. He's afraid of being hurt, so any time you get close he runs. But he really does like you, so he chases you if you get too far away. It sounds like it's time for a serious talk.

I have help on doing that here -


sit down with him and explain that you guys need to communicate better. Don't say "You do this" and "You do that". Instead, say that you find it hard when you BOTH are in a certain situation, and how can you make it better? Make it a joint problem that together you can find a solution to.

Chances are that he's been like this for years and doesn't even realize he's doing it. Listen to what he says about it - and then find some solutions. The next time you're in that situation and it starts up, gently point it out to him. And then keep going forward, don't let him sidetrack the situation. It might take a while to help him unlearn that habit, but it can be done.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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