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We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



Moving from Friends to Boyfriend/Girlfriend



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
There is this girl I just met a couple of weeks ago at a party we have been talking for about 6 weeks now. I feel we have gotten closer as friends. We hang out every weekend, sometimes with friends sometimes with out to were it is just us. I really am starting to develope some strong feelings for this girl, but I know she just wants to be friends because she said so when we first met at the party. But she has opened up alot since then. She has become more touchy feely when we hang out now like caressing my face, goodbye hugs, etc. I open doors for her and wrap her up in jacket when it is cold all that good stuff and she says I,m so sweet to her. But I'm still unsure if she likes me because she still commnents about other guys, but when we talk or hang out it just feels like she feels the same way about me like the way I am starting to feel for her. I want to be more then friends still but is it to soon to make the transition?I just don,t want the whole friend thing to backfire in my face and have her say "I just want to be friends." It is hard to tell because she is really throwing me alot of mixed signals. What should I do?




RomanceClass.com Advice
First, it sounds like you're doing things PERFECTLY so far! You've built up the trust and the friendship. You talk together openly. You do those touchy-things to build up the contact, the hugs and so on. The jacket stuff is GREAT :) You're on the perfect path to then moving along to boyfriend-girlfriend.

Don't go by what she said at the party. You weren't even really talking at that point, she didn't know you. Now she DOES know you and is choosing to spend time with you. So you're in a different category than you were when you first met.

It sounds like she's nervous about dating, if she said that. So you have to go slow so that she trusts you. Do things that are like dating, but don't call them dates, so she gets used to the idea. Find a casual restaurant that's near where you tend to hang out and find out what a good dessert is there. The next time you're talking with her and you know you have say an hour to kill, offer to go over with her to grab an 'apple pie' or whatever. It's not a full meal, so it's not a stressful real date. It's just a snack. But now she's used to going into a restaurant with you and eating.

Look at the way she wears things, and think up something friendly and fun that you could give her that she might wear. NOT jewelry. That falls into the 'stressful' category. But if she wears hair bands and things, find one in her style and say you saw it in a store and thought of her. If she wears a jacket with pins, get her a new pin. Nothing smarmy or lovey. But something that when she wears it, she'll think of you. That builds the connection.

If you keep moving along that way, making sure you hug when you say goodbye, staying close when you're together, I'm sure at some point you'll have a full dinner together, and see a movie together, and now you're dating, but there wasn't any stress, no labels. And she'll be happy :)

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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