I'm In Love, He Has a Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I MET THIS GUY OVER THE INTERNET LIKE 5 YEARS AGO. THROUGHOUT THAT TIME I GROWN TO LOVE HIM I THOUGHT THE FEELING WAS THE SAME WITH HIM. HE TOLD ME THINGS THAT ALL FEMALES WANTED TO HEAR. WE NEVER REALLY WERE TOGETHER ON THE ROMANTIC LEVEL I WANTED HIM TO BE MY 1ST I WAS AND I THINK STILL I AM VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIM. I MET HIS FAMILY AND THEY ARE MY WORLD I LOVE THEM LIKE I LOVE MY OWN FAMILY. HIS COUSIN AND HIS SISTER THEY ARE LIKE MY BEST FRIENDS I EVEN MET HIS GRAND PARENTS, THEY CONSIDER ME THEIR GRANDAUGHTER.
WHEN HE WENT TO THE MILITARY I DROVE TO SOUTH CAROLINA WITH HIS FAMILY TO SEE HIM GRADUATE FROM BOOT CAMP.
NOW HE IS COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND HE WANTS TO BRING HIS GIRLFRIEND... I TOLD HIS FAMILY THAT HE SHOULD EVEN THOUGH IT IS BREAKING ME IN HALF CAUSE I LOVE HIM SO... HE TOLD ME THAT HE WASNT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP BUT YET HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND THAT HE WANTS TO BRING HOME.
HOW CAN I GET OVER HIM IF I AM ALWAYS AROUND HIS FAMILY? AND WHEN HE COMES HOME HE ASKS FOR ME... I LIVE IN PHILADELPHIA PA AND HIS FAMILY LIVES IN NEW JERSEY... HOW CAN I DEAL WITH THIS PAIN?
Lots of people break up with boyfriends and still hang out with the family. The two are not exclusive at all! I know it's hard, but sometimes as much as person #1 loves person #2, person #2 just doesn't have those same feelings back in return. You have to get through the pain and get on with your life.
Yes, you care for him. Many of us females care for guys very strongly, and still watch them find girlfriends, get married and raise families. That's because love is about wanting someone to be as happy as possible, even if it means they aren't with us. Love isn't about owning someone. It's about supporting them in their dreams. You deserve someone who fully loves YOU and supports you. I'm sure this guy does in his own way but he was NOT meant to be your partner in life. If he had been he would have done so. Instead, he loves you in a platonic way - like a sister - and to you he can be that wonderful brother that you can trust fully and tell anything to.
So give yourself time to heal. I have tips here -
it will take a while. You don't need to avoid his family. Just take care of yourself, do things you love and have fun with your friends. I think when you get over him you'll realize that it's great having him as a friend, that his family is a wonderful part of your life, and then you'll meet a guy who is PERFECT for you and you will be content and happy.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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