Difficulty Having Sex
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm a 21 year old virgin. I've tried to have sex several times but being that my boyfriend has a rather large sex organ, it's very difficult to try & have sex with him. What should I do?!?!
It's difficult for MANY virgins to have sex for the first time because of the hymen and because, being nervous, everything is dry and therefore quite raspy. It can be REALLY really painful in these situations as you've probably found out, which then makes things frustrating, and that makes it worse too.
So don't feel like you're alone. This is actually a pretty common situation. What you need to do is find ways to work around the issue.
First, set things up so they are as relaxing and stress free as possible. Tell your boyfriend that you are going to have a romantic weekend that could OR could not involve sex, but that the romantic time together will be wonderful. That way the pressure isn't on The Act. You will give it a try but you both agree it will be OK if this doesn't happen to be the time it works.
Next, set a relaxing stage. Decorate the apartment or house with candles, romantic music, etc. Watch a romantic comedy together. You want this to be about fun, not about serious lust.
Have him ejaculate at least twice earlier in the day - either on his own or through oral sex or something. That will make him less big when you two actually prepare for intercourse, making it easier on you. It will be the third time for him in the same day so he won't be as hard.
Take a long bubble bath to further soothe you. That will help relax your muscles and make your skin soft and pliant.
Unless you're on the pill or something, make sure he's wearing a condom. You always want to be practicing safe sex. The last thing you want to be worrying about is a pregnancy.
Then, as you snuggle on the bed and prepare, use LOTS of K-Y jelly to help lubricate everything. And remember - your hymen could be completely blocking your opening. It will need to rip. That's part of losing your virginity. So if you feel that resistance, it is normal and you have to break it. But be sure to distinguish between the hymen (which is right at the entrance) and any other pain you feel past that point. It shouldn't hurt or rip IN you. If after all of this you still feel pain, talk to your doctor. Something else might be going on here.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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