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The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.-- Victor Hugo

She Drifted Away - Is She Really Back?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have a friend that is a girl whom I met about 1 1/2 ago. Well, she would always invite me to do things with her group from work (this group was mostly other girls). At the time a very close friend of hers was probing me about if I had a girlfriend and what not, but never directly asked me if I was seeing someone. At the time I wasn't looking for a girlfriend nor did I have one, but I would play off the probing mechanism that women have for determining such information.

One day I took flowers to the place where she worked as a show of gratitude for their kindness towards me, and the girl that is my friend came up to me and gave me a hug and said thank you honey. I returned the hug,but I though it strange because the flowers were for everyone, yet she felt compelled to call me (honey). So we would converse through email and just talk, then all of a sudden she stopped working at the job where she was, and dropped of the map (had not talked to her once)until about 6-7 months later.

She contacts me with a new email addy, and we get reaquainted. I was surprised she had resurfaced, but happy none the less. So we caught up on the time we missed and began to talk and discuss our lives and she would talk about her child (about 5 at the time)and how things were going. So one day we go out to eat and we have what I thought was a very good conversation, and she even stated so the following day when we spoke briefly. But since then she hasn't returned my calls and only emailed me once in a week's time, and said she was very busy, without an explaination as to why she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me. I have even let her meet my family in the past(so I felt comfortable and trusting enough to let her into my circle), but she said she didn't want her family to meet me yet, so I thought that was odd because we were just friends, not even really dating.

I fear she has become disheartened by something about me, or he child's father is back in the picture even though he is married, I still think he may be a factor. What is going on? It looks like I'm in for another 6-7 month layoff or maybe longer (permenant). I love her, but I'm not in love with her, YET. So I am able to function through out my day, with very little or no effects. I have been hurt b4, so I know how to take my time, and I know she has too, but to just drop off the map again, with no explaination is a sign of disrespect for me and our friendship, if this even qualifies as one. The question I have for her is WHY, and what did I do or say to cause her to turn away from me. I guess I may never know, but talking to someone else about it sure helps.

RomanceClass.com Advice
It really might just be that she got busy - I know my work schedule can go from quiet to super busy to quiet again. Keep an eye on the movie lists and watch for one you know she'd be interested in going in. Give her a call to talk to her in person, and suggest that she go with you as friends. This will give you an opportunity to spend time with you. If she actively refuses to go with you, then you will be able to ask her if something's wrong in your friendship.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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