logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
Love will not always linger longest - With those who hold it in too clenched a fist. -- Alice Duer Miller



She Doesn't have Time for Me



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I'm in a long distance relationship which has so far worked out okay (we've visited a couple times), but somewhere along the line she became crazy.

We used to talk around 30 hours a month in the beginning, then that subsided but we still talked a lot. However, this school year, she's taken on more hard classes and activities than she can handle. She doesn't even have enough time for all the activities, let alone people she's close to, and she rarely gets more than 6 hours of sleep a night. She even claims she almost fell asleep while driving. She's killing herself being busy because she thinks it'll get her into Stanford, and her plans for this coming summer are just as busy.

I want to be supportive of her, but she's being completely unreasonable in her work load. It's bad enough being far away, and now I'm also at the bottom of her priority chain. Even her friends never see her anymore outside of school.

When I confronted her about this, she said she thinks about me all the time. She asked me how many hours a week she needs to give me, which I found to be a pretty offensive question, like I'm just another activity to be scheduled and checked off. I told her she has to give up something or give up me, and she wouldn't make a decision. I guess I'm not worth it.

So, is there anything left to do here? I miss all the good times, but things don't look like they'll ever get brighter again.




RomanceClass.com Advice
I'm not sure if she's crazy - she has found a goal in life and is working hard to make it happen. Part of being in love is about supporting each others goals in whatever way you can - and not demanding that your needs are more important than your partner's needs. So to put an ultimatum on her because she wouldn't spend enough time with you - even though she asked you outright what you would be happy with - is rather unfair.

Why were you offended when she asked you how many hours would be OK? Life IS about scheduling. There are work schedules, child daycare schedules, night course schedules, karate class schedules. Believe me, if you're in high school, the world of scheduling has barely begun. So here she is reaching for her goal. You tell her you're feeling neglected. She says, OK I'm willing to try to give you more time to make this work, how much do you need and you get angry with her.

Why does she have to give something up to prove her love for you? Why can't you find a solution that helps her reach her goals and also helps you feel less neglected? She already says she thinks about you a lot. So get her a portable tape recorder. That way she can record messages for you all during the day. Then she can send them to you and you can send her YOUR messages. Give her origami paper to fold into shapes for you.

There are tons of people out there who never get to talk to each other because they are long distance loves and they can't have phone calls. Think of all the military couples who would dream about having even the level of contact you two have. There are definitely ways to make it work. I have tons of advice on the site. But you have to actively work on solutions, not demand ultimatums. And you have to believe in her goals, and want to help her reach them. That's what love is.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Arguments / Fighting

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

French Wedding