Dumps with no warningWe often have visitors write in with solutions to each others' problems. Here is a visitor's solution to one of our visitor's questions. Original Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female My guy was a real prince. I've dating a long time, & I know - he's the one. I was single 1 yr after a bad break up from a 3yr rela. He was single 4 mths after a mutual ending of a 5yr rela. We met by chance thru a mutual friend. Knew of eachother yrs prior though. We were a great team. A short romance but things happened fast - a whirlwind, intense, passionate, really intune w/ eachother - He always said things felt right we had potential and had a good thing going. We knew eachothers souls. I was up front w/ him from the start that there were some family issues I was dealing w/ in case he wanted to leave - He told me that is stuff I have no control over - has nothing to do w/ me, they are not me & nothing I say or do will make him change his mind or his feelings for me. He was always very emotionally open & expressive w/ me - shared his hopes & dreams. The energy between us buzzed. Instead of looking for work out of town said he was going to stay cuz he had me & liked what we had. He went on about being attached to me and that things were getting better and better. Said he wasn't going anywhere & I'm amazing, & I'm worth the wait. We got along great, had things in common. Always making plans. We spent an insane amount of time together. Lots of chemistry - the comfort levels were so high it's like we'd always known eachother. We went away a couple times. He had me meet his parents - who liked me and like wise. I was invited to dinner. I met his friends & we all got along super. On our 1mth anniver we made plans for my vacation & he said I was his #1 - a priority. The next day he seemed distant - but he assured me we were fine nothing to worry about happy to be with me & laughed saying yes when I questioned if he wanted me to still be his girlfriend... said he just wanted us to spend a little less time together - he wanted to be able to have the opportunity to miss me. 1 day later he dumped me. Saying the feelings are gone... said I'm not the girl for him. BUT he told our mutual friend that he didn't want to go on in the relationship trying to convince himself that he was the right guy for me. Said I didn't do anything wrong yet he doesn't even want my friendship. I know I had some things going on around me & a high stress job... but couldn't he have just given me some time to sort things out or an ultimatum or a break? Most people who question their feelings have a chat - take a break... do a probationary period. Not a sudden dump. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. He is EVERYTHING I ever wanted. The worst part is I know he really wanted to be w/ me & I took him for granted. Now that I know how I truely feel, in love, what am I supposed to do. They say it's never too late for a 2nd chance, while others... How do you win back the heart of a man you seem to have disappointed & turned off? User Submitted Advice from a 21-30 year old Female yes, i'm sorry george but under no circumstance should she be sending this guy flowers or a letter. it's only going to put his defenses up being that he wants nothing to do with her. surely she must have already expressed the way she felt so in sending flowers and a letter would be like pressuring the guy. i think the fact that he doesnt want her friendship may be an indication of something else going on with him, especially as things appeared to be headed somewhere and in the break up he said she did nothing wrong. so his avoiding her should be questioned. i think if she could get him to spend some time with her he could easily be won over, only that i wouldn't know how to advise her on how to accomplish that. The Original Question and RomanceClass Answer
|