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the two of us all just fell into place
i would have gone back and broke up with him first.me and my boyfriend were always having arguments.he'd be rally jeleaus of hoe i got on with oneof my male friend and i'd be really annoyed that he had been in a bad mood with me for having a laugh with someone else. it was already a diificult enoug relationship. not thta many people were too imressed that we were togther and it was causing a bit of a rift at college.it was a strugglefor us t communicate with eachother properly because we new wewere making an atmosphere within our group,so we had to talk to our other friends. but when we were alone it was on the vrger of perfecton. we got so well as friends before we had been going out and there was nothing sexually between us because we had just started a new school and were all just concentrating on making friends.it had already been a perfect friendship and the it seemed that things when it was just the two of us all just fell into place.we ended up practically spendidng a full two weeks togwther over christmas and became truly comfortable with one another.when we returned tocollegewe were in a much better way with eachother. an after all thecriticism we had recieved from our peers saying that we did not appear to be a propper couple, once we did they beagn to throw snide commens and in the end i lost a friend. it may sound like i had thrown away afriend for a boyfriend but that wasnt at all how it was.i think which isnt there fault when some things arent going right for some people the worst thing to do is to shve in there face whats going right for you.after that things slowly drifted akward between me and my partner and we started having arguments again.some of which were because of me. i cant properly remeber ut i know thta i sometimes made a big issue out of somethig small.but in all fainess so did he.for about a month everthing i my life just was going down hill. i was having trouble in college at home had had a pregnency scare. while all this was going on i also fet like i was being a bit neglected by my partner and not recieving the attention i deserved.i treid not to talk about t for a while because i knew valentines day was coming up and i thought that would solve my problem. in fairness it did for a brief time but he was on a course for that week and selfish as it was for me i thought how could he go on that course and not be missing me. when we returned to college(which brings me nearly to the end of this story)it was not going good we didnt spend the weekends togeter and i was going home everday crying becaus ei wanst eall feeling very loved. when i discussed it with my partner he was understading at first but i dint think i had choose my words very carefull in what i had said.he asked me if i was so upst was therany point in be being with him.e said he couldnt see himself changing so we might as well jus leave it there.to my embareesment i had cried.to tell the truth i had wnated to dump but i still had preferred to have bee with him rather than without him.i had been advised not to break up with him and was embarresed that i now had to tell people that i ahd been broken up with.i sobbedon the train all the wy home and had wen to th friend that i told you earlier yhat i has lost.she was soo great.although her and my partner didnt get on any more she gave me advice purely for my own bebfit.she told me to forget about whta every one else thinks because she konwshow much he liked me and thatt in honesty she didnt think it was entirely his fault and that i had puhed and pushed that day until i had got the result that i wanted.this may sound harsh but if that had been anyone else they would have told me i was betta off without them because the know thta it would have bebnfitte themselves the next day i had to return to college with him and was in a lesson with him.my friend told me just to keep it totgther and i knoew i had to be nice to him, because no mattaer what i had loved him as a friend and we had been through a lot together.so i went in and we got on really well.i retured his key and we carried on like normal. i was guttedthat he was acting so normal though, i didnt no y he didnt regert breaking up with me.not beacuse i thinkim so great jus wondering hat i had done wrong.i had to go to his brothers party an the weekend so i obviosly tried to make my self look good. I went but as soon I as I seen them I felt a bit weird with him, and plus he looked a bit weird cos he had had a hair cut. On the way in the car I was unlucky enough to have to sit on his lap because one extra person had to come. I felt him really lightly stroking me light enough that he must of thought I couldn’t fell it. And thank god id herbal essences my hair so it as real soft and smelt gorgeous. So he was having a little go with that as well. I want flattered though I was angry that he thought he could touch me.
When we arrived at bowling I was more than happy to hop off his lap and out of the car. His mum and me got on really well and we got completely drunk together. And had such a laugh bowling. On the way home I had to sit on his lap again and he was doing the same thing. at that point I felt like we were going to get back together , but I felt like how could I get over what had happened, so I thought ill jus let him carry on cos he’ll never be getting any of this again. finally we dropped two of the boys home and there was space for us to sit down again. but he pretended to be asleep and was softly rubbing my leg in the car. Again so gently that I wasn’t quite sure if I had imagined it.
I had to stay the night because it was late and his mum begged me. When got in we watched love actually which made his mum and I so happy. But he just sat ther even more depressed.
Then we went to bed and I had to share a bed with him. it reminded me of the first time we got together because we had to share a bed then as well.we stayed up al nite till bout 5 in the morning and then we kissed. Nothing else!
We were talking for a while in bed then he just out of the blue said. Do you hate me? And you know how you play dumb , I was like no why would I . and he was just like I am so sorry bout the over day. I really never wanted that to happen. And I just said well it was your choice why would you be sad bout it. And he said im tryin to say that It was the rong choice and ive regerted it since iit happend. any way it carried on like this and i jaus kind of ignored him. he was sort of crying but i dint wanna be dealing with that cos i no it wuld take alot for him to ever cry but i didnt wanna have to be feeling guilty at this point.i must have balnked out for a miute because when i woke up we were kissing. it was such a nice kiss i thought id let it carry on for a wile before i stoped it. i evntully stopped it and started talking of how it was a mistake etc and how i dint wann get back with him. he accepted it and just again almost crying siad he was happy that he had told me how sorry he was and jus appreciated it soo much tha i still wanted to be his friend. he carried on talkin but the bed was vibrating co his body was shaking. he said it was cause he had like a nervous feeling. even when i fink about it i wanna cry. it may sound pathetic to you. but i just realied how muchi liked someone. so i kissed him.that nite and the next day was like pure happiness we went swimming with his brother the next dayand for once in my life some men were actually looking at me. which made me feel bit more confident.we had such a wcked time for the past 2 weeks. i mean like perfect. but tis week i havingmy up an downs. but i no his not doing anything apart from being nice but i still balmeing all my problems on him even thought i no im only feeling like this because its that time.have i made a mistake in getting back with him?
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