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Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -
the most painful love story

hey..
im a dude in 20 years old.
from respectful family, i meet a girl who younger than me like 3 or 4 years, i meet her by mistake on internet in chat program.. and we were really good friends like a couple of mounths and everytime our relitionship gets better than befor.
and to be honest i really fall in love with her and she was mean really alot to me.. but i soppused to travel for studing in U.S and i was so scared and sad that i will leave everyone in here and travel far away from my family and friends.
she support me alot and i pass that day and i traveled to U.S and i bough blackberry to connect with her more...
and we were talking really alot almost like 3 hours dayly by chatting.
till someday i collect all my pieces and power then i told her that i love her and that im fond of her..
but she said that's maybe it's a crush or something, and i was sure 100% that it's not , and i was telling her everyday how much i loved her and how much she important to me. and she was not answering me back when i tell her i love her she just using smily face and that was killing me that she is not loving me back... she told me she didnt fall in love befor and she wont use the words 'i love u' tell she sure that she say it to the right person. and i respect her feelings and we kept go like that for like a mounth, the weird thing that maybe you wont believe it that all this things happens while i never saw her or hear her voice...
i know maybe that's stupid but i dont know why i felt that she is my soul-mate and the most perfect person in the world, and i told her that i love her personality and that i would marry her even if she was a guy !!!!!
i really loved her more than anything in the world, she was the first thing i think about when i wake up and the most immportant thing in my day, i left all my friends and i delete them from my contact list and i was leaving everything and parties and friends to just stay talk to her. i told her that i dont need any person in this world or anything just her. and that i would pay my life to have a day near her and i swear i meant it.. =[
i turned crazy of her, i lost my friends and i lost alot of things for her and i was still glad and happy cause i dont care of losing anything atleast im with her..
i told her that i dont mind if she gonna use me, and i told her that im little rich and i give her my E-mail and password and i told her how to use my cridetCard by internet.. i told her to use me but atleast be with me, but she didnt and i know she is the most perfect person in the planet, but someday she went to beech for holidays and she meet her first love when she was 13 years old and they were love each others, and when she meet him he was trying to get close to her by giving her a gift or talking to her or saying some romantic words and stuff, in that point i really got so depressed and scared that she fall in love with him again and when i was asking her for her feelings with him she were saying she feels nothing for him and that he doing crazy stuff.... so i felt lil comfurtable that she is not intersting on him.
but after somedays i knew that she like when he saying that he loves her and that really pissed me off and i started feel jealous from him, and she were saying he look handsome and he is good at saying love stuff and something like that and i was acting like i dont care cause im not her boyfriend and she still single and she didnt tells me that she loves me... i was trying to act normally while thats killing me inside...
then when i ask her again about her feelings about him she said he is cute and that she is not sure of her feelings with him, in that moment i wished to be killed befor i hear that from her and i was tearing and crying silently and thinking of what would i do without her.. what would the world be without her... and in that moment i start thinking of losing her and everytime i think about that i cry and feel so sad.
and after like 2 dayz he gift her a nicklace for valentine's and i already got 2 gifts for her but i was waiting her to give me her address to send it but she didnt yet. it was so painful to me that i cant reach her like that dude, and the dude know nothing about me and he dont know that someone dying for her.
and that have been the worse days in my life ever..
i missed alot of classes in college ((by the way im in medicine college)) and i cant sleep in the night just thinking of her and how am i going to complate my life without her.
and i told her that if she gonna leave me someday she must made me hate her befor like being so mean and selfish so i dont think about her alot.. and she promised to try.
but she didnt and she showed me her pic... and i was about to faint.. she is so wonderful and it was the best person face i never saw !!! i fall in love with her more and more and my pain get bigger that maybe she gonna leave me.
so after i got full of sick days i told her to choose between us me or him. and she said she will think about it... and maybe im better in living and education than him and older than him and he was just good looking... and we both love her but i bet not more than me...
so she were like making excuse that she gonna choose him and when someday i ask her who she gonna choose she said i cant think now and i think maybe im gonna choose something you dont gonna like it.... when she said that i just feel lost and i told her ok and i left her for a night and i was thinking like why am i being so cheap like that , and i never ask someone to love me , im always with strong personality... why am i weak like that with her!!! it's like im pushing my self to her!! im from rich family and we all got strong personality and high respect for ourselves and other peoples... in that moment i hated myself and i felt like i cant respect myslef anymore.. special if she didnt choose me... it's gonna be soo emmersing to me.
and i wont make her feel bad if she doesn't choose me,
so i collect my pieces and i told her while im dying for saying that, that she dont need to choose between us.. cause i quite and congreat for him, and she was happy for that, that she is not going to worry about me or about my feelings or his feelings but to me dying seems less painful than had tha moment.. my tears was falling and i was in restorant so i couldnt cry but my friends knew that im crying by hearing some voices from my chest i dont know how...
then after that day my life turned to hell to me.
i lost everything, friends and the person i love.
and i couldn't stop thinking of her and she said to that guy that she loves him for first time, which i was dying to be the first person hear that word from her.
i have been in depressed mood and i cancled my Education exchange cause i cant live in there anymore and i back home befor tow days and i even leave them till i feel right and now im in hotel writing my story to you guys....
it was my first love and it was my first love pain which it destroyed my hole life...
i told her i will wait her till she break up with him and that i wont know other girls just her and i will stay faithful to her even if she didnt be faithful to me..
and im sure she will know someday that no one could love her more than i do...
and we are just friends now and im asking about her and her boyfriend everyday and acting like a normal friend.
but i still love her and i will wait her and back to her someday....
that's what's happens to me and now im in the hotel crying whenever i want and missing her alot...
24/feb/2010






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