Tales of the Ex @ RomanceClass -|
devastation and survival
I met this man on an online dating site, and after some back and forth through e-mail and text , I summoned the courage to go for a coffee with him, and so I phoned him at his office. We met later that day and he was smitten he said from the beginning. I liked him but have found that excitement fuels everything in that first date and on the second date you are clearer : not as nervous , and the third is really when you get a sense of who the person is. Really though it takes a year through all the seasons until you show each other in terms of what coping skills you have in a relationship, how you deal with the challenges of life. You know the six month mark when pheromones wear off..
Love or pheromones throw sanity out the window and this man absolutely swept me off my feet. The romance was incredible , and I ate it up , but I refused to sleep with him. I thought I was being responsible to both of us, and to all the people in our lives( his children and my children) and to our former partners who we had those children with.
Within a month he told me he loved me , and by now I was so swept up that I told him I loved him as well. he met my children , I met his.. we flew away to the most romantic place in the world and he proposed. We bought a house together for our new life.. this was all within the first six months.
I couldn't believe my good fortune. I thought he was incredible, and couldn't believe that he was going to be my partner for life, and that my dreams would come true finally of having a family , and maybe another baby. I was ecstatic. I loved his children, and he loved mine. We loved the world and it felt like the world loved us..
He told me about his past relationships and I could only thank the stars that he was free to be mine. I didn't hear that he spoke disparagingly of them, that he called them names. I didn't understand that his close contact to the woman he had an affair with prior to meeting me could possibly be a threat. I didn't understand that his coping skills of turning to a drink when he felt bad would hurt us. I loved him, I loved him so much I was blind. We had a few little fights, he assured me he didn't need help with the drinking. He told me he was devastated when he tore the engagement ring off of my hand. He drank through one of vacations together so much that we couldn't do much together before he had gotten a few drinks in to balance him out . He showed up at my work place drunk and threatened one of my colleagues. He left MLS listings for the houses he looked at with the woman with whom he had had an affair before. He changed the locks so I wouldn't have the keys to our house. He went away with the woman on a business trip he said. He didn't tell me he was with her. My beautiful dream was becoming a nightmare and I didn't know what to do . In the last 4 months we were together I never saw him sober. I got my children out of there as fast as I could. I urged him to seek help but he told me I was the problem . I was yelled at . screamed at and still I tried to love him. Then he called the police on me after I found the photo of him and the woman sitting on his lap. I told him calmly that I didn't care and that we could work it out. He called 911 while he was drunk and told them to get me out of the house . The next thing I knew, he had packed up all my things and put them in storage and sent me the keys through a lawyer. Still he would call drunk and scream at me, or call drunk and summon me , and I would go to him, Hoping to repair what was broken, hoping to find the man that I deeply loved still despite everything. I sent gifts, and cards, and anything I could think of to make him smile, to show him the way back, but it was all too late.. I was in such pain, I tried to take my own life one night. I survived that , I think I have incredible angels watching over me, but I was ready to throw it all away , my life and my heart , and being a mother to my children for this man.
I was on my knees weeping everyday, my children saw me in incredible pain. I sought help with a therapist . I leaned heavily on my friends and family and I took two years, two years! to grieve and find my way clear of the pain .
I now look on him as the greatest teacher of my life so far. I see the pain and the hurt in him, and I feel pity that he can only drink rather than do the work necessary to find peace within himself. I am happy that my children were not hurt too much by his behaviour, and I am proud that they were able to see their mother get back up and embrace life again. I will always love this man , for I do not think that love can be shut off like a tap. However I would never be able to let him back into my heart or my children's lives. I hope for his sake and for his children that he finds that peace. I also thank the woman he sought out as someone who ultimately rescued my children and I . The karmic debt she repaid to me is huge, and that she has to live her life with this on her conscious is so unfortunate for her, so I wish her well, and hope she will find peace in her soul as well . She has children too and my only hope is that through all of this mess : ALL of our children learn that love is precious and to be cherished every moment that you have it . That regrets serve no purpose, that grieving takes time and that if we are all brave enough to tell the truth , we can have heaven here on earth without hurting each other.
5.00 out of 5 slimes
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