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I lost faith in true love.
This is an extra story I decided (along with others) to submit since I've had them for awhile and you get the benefit for getting a better feel for who I am and where I came from in terms of my attitudes towards certain things. This is my high school love story.
I know this girl. I first met her in my math class in school. (I remember having a crush on a cocky brunette maned "J" at the time.) This girl was, still is at times, very quiet. A dirty blonde with blue eyes and a very sexy slender body is what I first laid eyes on. I never spoke or knew of her name since she barely spoke at all. But I did learn her name on one typical day when my teacher had me passing papaers to students. I had to ask her name and in doing so I think I made her feel bad.
I was bad, though. I was getting terrible grades. I was sneaking out of the house. Arguments at home became the norm. I almost got into a fist fight with dad once. Faith in God or Love was out of the question for me. I was always angry or sad. Tried both drugs and suicide although neither ever worked the way I intended them to. I needed to escape; and there in class was the best possible door I could have found.
Her name is KML. I knew I liked the girl but she was so quiet I could'nt tell what she was thinking or what to say or even gather the courage to say anything. This girl was the prodigy of any and every angel I could have hoped for. She has a comforting voice, a contagious laugh, a dorke sense of humor (like me), a love for what's outside (like me), pretty much everything I needed. She's a terrible dancer (which Ive turnd out to be after no practice, lol) and our tastes in music made no sense but I even liked that. i loved learning about her. Soon enough, at then end of her junior year, a good pal told me that K felt for me as well.
"Oh, my GOD Sam!!! Guess who likes you?"
"Who?" ( I knew alot of gals with the same name at the time, so it was'nt clicking.)
"Her!!!" She pointed her out as she was walking towards us. She was beautiful as always.
"Hey guys. Who are you talking about?"
"You! Loser!" I joked.
We all giggled our tooshies off and went on our way. It was about 2 days before we actually talked about it. Four before we had our first kiss. Five before I called her my girlfriend, the day after St. Valentines Day. I was hooked. We went on dates and out to eat like everyone else. But going to the hight school prom with her was more than I could handle. She wore a beautiful blue dress because blue was her favorite color along side her favorite...lime green. We danced fast...terribly; and slow like we were trying to stop time so we never had to leave. We had gone on roller coasters. Shared deep secrets. Shared the stars underneath the moonlight. Shared pillows, blankets, and when the opportunity rose, we shared the same bed......as well as each other. The next year, she worean even more stunning white dress. I could not believe I had this amazing girl for a year. Someone had once told me that you know you love each other when you're popping each others pimples. You should have seen the grin widen across my face when she popped mine. Weird, I know. She had given me everything I wanted. When I wanted more, she tried to accomodate for me. I had given every pary of my heart and soul to that girl. I also kept every part she gave to me. To this day I have her pictures. I've the good, the bad, the naughty, the ugly, the sad, the excited, and the doubles. I have all of them. I've got movie stubs. I've got dried flowers. I've got cards and candy. I've got candles that gave light to which we made love under. I've got letters that were sent with love and compassion and the hope of a forever lasting relationship. I've got a terrible picture I drew of her. I've got a poem and a song that she cried to. I even have a lock of her hair. But...I do not have her. After a year and eight months, I lost her terribly. But I want this girl back. I'll become the person she needs the most and I'll love her in a way that she or I ever thought possible. And one day, I wil not write of what we once had, but what we will give each other in the future.
I felt that true love never died on either side. I knew that she was the one and only. I should have known I was completely fooling myself. Things had gotten a little stale in the relationship since college had separated us by a few hundred miles. She grew tired of simply hearing my voice even though I died for hers. The worst part was...I could tell. I mentioned taking time apart for awhile. So we did...a whole three days. Time in which she kissed, slept with, and fell for another man. I was so p*ssed when she told me. But I loved her so much I could not imagine ending it. I went to see her the next day after school...a most painful and anger-filled hour drive. When I saw we instantly kissed in a passion that never died. I passion that I would like to believe still lives in her, but does'nt. She told me how sorry she was. She said she'd do anything to make it work...leave it to a young dumb sh*t to actually belive that line over and over again. So we got together again. She even started to stay away from hi to make me happy which didn't last since all of a sudden she started feeling bad for the guy that was TRYING SO HARD to be with her. She cared for him and I knew it even if she was not yet sure of it. I could read her inside out and was begining to regret it. So she ended up being friends with him. She wanted him. I knew it. She told me we needed some time apart. Once tim apart began, she was dating him, and he proved to be the better man. I began to hate my self so much. I wished that she would love me as she once had. I still loved her though she did'nt want to know it. I loved her so deeply. I thoght of her at school adn work. I thought of her waking and in rest. She would never understand it. The way I just died over and over deep inside just to hear her say she wants me back. I never happened though. She did't love me. It all just went away like a warm breath in cold air....and that was my death. I tried to do things to forget...but the second solitude come, pain was by its side.
So what was left? A lot. But none was ever the same with out her. I did'nt smile as much or as often. Hope was no longer a thought of mine. I lost faith in true love. I became lonely at school watching so many other couples outside windows and in halls. I had lost my true happiness...the one thing in life that set me straight. At that point I had only enough strength to lie there for another painful hit.
I had told my friends about it so many times that they grew tired of it so I just shut up.
So I wrote it to let loose since I knew my computer would'nt tell me to shut up. ..and I'll send it to you, knowing that I'm that dumb ass who could'nt let go of what he wants because I never learned that life can't be made perfect.
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