He Cheated but Apologized

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Do you have some advice for this person?

Visitor's Question:
I met my ex New Years 2006. We started our relationship very fast. After two months of dating I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Lived alone at the time and he lived with family so he moved in with me.

By the time I was 7 months pregnant he was acting very sneaky and withdrawn. So I started looking through his phone. Since he loved to ride his motorcycle all weekend at first I didn't think anything until he became withdrawn from me completely. So when I found text messages confirming him cheating. I asked him to get out. He said he was sorry but he just wasn't in love with me.

Now my daughter is 3 1/2 and with all the time passed my ex and I have become good friends. As much as I can allow myself to be that is. We do family things together. Go to church, lunches, out with our daughter here and there. He recently has said he has fallen in love with me. He says I'm a great mom and a great person. I have been very open about how with time I have learned to trust him 100% with our daughter and know he would always be great with her but I have no trust when it comes to him taking care of my heart and my needs since the past history.

He keeps trying and he keeps telling me he loves me and our daughter very much. He has tried kissing me even two days ago. That's when I told him you just can't do this stuff anymore It's not fair to me after what he already decided.

I care about him very much and lately I just feel like I might be making the wrong decision due to how much we have grown through these 5 years.

Is it crazy to think he could change and really be a family man and not cheat again? I keep playing the what if game in my head and I'm driving myself crazy. But on the other hand I don't want to ruin this friendship as being co-parents also. I want to believe he could change enough to really want this again. But I can't help thinking If I take him back I would be doubting everything he says and does all over again. I'm so confused I just was hoping for some good advice out side of my family/friend circle at this point.
Please help! Thx

Our Suggestion:
People definitely can make mistakes in life and learn from them. Think back through your own life. Undoubtedly there are things you did that you wish you hadn't done. It happens to all of us. We are all prone to make bad decisions when we are in stressful situations.

Yes, your ex made a mistake - and he sounds like he has learned from it and wants to start a new, fresh chapter in his life. Yes, building trust will take time, but forgiveness is an important part of life.

There are undoubtedly therapists in your area or you could talk with people at your church to work through this. For your daughter's sake, I highly recommend you give it a shot.

Lisa

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