My Ex is Dating Others

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Visitor's Question:
Me and my girlfriend were together for a year and 7 months and she broke up about a week ago. She told me she wanted to take a break to think about things. She told me she still wants to be with me, its just that she's 16 and wants to date. Now she is dating a guy who is going to hurt her and/or end up raping her if she doesn't give him what he wants. Because that is all he wants from girls and i know that is all he wants from her.

I really need help. I need to know if she is ever going to come back to me or if i am waiting for no reason. I love her more than life itself. And i would love to be with her again. I wrote her a card and gave it to her telling her how i turly felt and she called me an hour later saying just just wants to be friends right now and i asked her if we ever had a chance again? And she said i don't know. she said she fell out of love me, but i really think that just is just really scared of being with me forever and missing out on things in life.What do you think?

Our Suggestion:
People make all sorts of bad decisions when dating on the rebound. It's why you really have to take time to get over your ex before you start dating again. Who knows why she's dating this guy - maybe she's finding him exciting or just relishing that "I'm still wanted by other guys." In any case, as she gets through the rebound stage she'll start thinking more clearly again and hopefully regain her priorities in life.

People don't tend to break up if they're happy, no matter what the age. So something was making her unhappy, and it sounds like she and you never talked about it if it got to the point that she just left. Also, relationships require constant work and attention to keep going, especially after the new-love-rush fades away. So it might be that your relationship was just sort of lagging and she wanted something new and exciting in her life.

I would hang around and be her friend, if you want to, and let her get through her excitement at being 'free'. If that's really all it was, then once she realizes that the grass isn't any greener, she may come back. But on the other hand, if her way of dealing with things not being right is to run away and go find other guys, that's not a good sign. You want to find someone that will actively tell you something is wrong, and actively work on the issue with you. You also might give some thought to working on your own communication skills, making sure you realize when something is wrong and try to work on it instead of being blindsided with someone just leaving because it's too late.

In any case, she's saying she wants to be friends. I would stay friends with her, but also keep my eyes open for other possibilities in life. People grow and change over the years. It could very well be that she's growing away from you, and that there's little chance of you squishing her back into the mold you'd like for your girlfriend to be like. And it could very well be that the girlfriend who is PERFECT for what you need in life is already right near you.

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