Getting Through a Breakup

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Visitor's Question:
My girlfriend recently broke up with me, because she said she didn't think that she loved me anymore. Everything was going great before this though. I was happy with her, and i thought she was happy with me. So I questioned her about this and asked why she changed so fast. She told me she couldn't be with me because of what had happend in the past. She wrote to you about it, the question was called, He Kinda Cheated Once, and it explains how i cheated on her over the summer but that i had stopped, and told her the truth about most of what happend.

Now I can't get her out of my head, i love her more than anything and I would do anything for her, or to be with her. She recently saw me and told me that she wanted to spend a month apart without talking to each other so we could try to move on and be friends afterwards. I am having a horrible time trying to move on, i can't stop thinking about her, and it seems like she was my whole life, and now that she is gone, so is my life.

My question is, do i keep holding on to her, and try to be with her, or do i give her the month that she wants and try to go from there. I am worried that if i give her the time, i won't ever have her again. Thank you for the time.

Our Suggestion:
If she really can't get over that situation after all of this time, it sounds like she has an issue with trust. It's not that you cheated on her. You two had broken up. And you were tempted by but didn't give in to someone else. And you told her about it. Relationships go through all sorts of ups and downs and this is one of the downs - but it's one that most people can pull through together. For whatever reason, she couldn't.

I would suggest to her that you two go to therapy together. Don't do this as a "it will get us back together" move - she might resist that. Do it as a "this will help both of us be able to love and trust in the future - with whoever it is." Which is true. If she has such issues with trust they will affect whoever she is with, not just you. And since the incident involved you both, being in therapy together could really help.

Hopefully if you two are going in together and working on it together, it will help out your relationship as well. And the fact that you are showing her you're willing to work on the issue and help address it and move on should give you credit in her eyes.

As a side note though, you say everything was going great other than that. But obviously other things were going pretty badly if you were completely breaking up in the middle of your relationship. So it sounds like there were other issues that you two weren't addressing, and maybe those were just as bad. Maybe the therapy can help there too.

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