Ex had an abortion

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Visitor's Question:
My ex broke up with me about two years ago. After about five months of not knowing why, I had a dream that she had an abortion. I asked her best friend (who set us up) and she said yes she did, but don't let her know you know because it will blow her mind in 20 pieces. It was very hard to understand why she did because just a few months prior to that she made a comment that if she were to have anymore children (she has 2) she wants them from me. Since we split up she got involved with someone else (that I know) and got engaged. Recently she ended their relationship and he moved out of her house. I was told that she had so much guilt about what she did with me she couldn't look at me. That's why she split up. She knows that I love children so much and would do anything to have my own. I am 32, never been married and no children. Still today, I am so in love with my ex and I know she has feelings for me still from mutual friends. However, I have been told by my pastor that I need to let her know that I know about the abortion and tell her that I forgive her and don't blame her for what she did. Which I do forgive her. However, I love her so much still that I am afraid to because I don't want her to hurt. I still think of her as my child's mother even though she didn't go through with the birth. I have dated a few people and the one I am with now we got engaged. The hard part is that I still am in love with my ex and my life seems not worth the time without her. She honestly completes me and I need her back. We have seen each other every great moon since the break up. She called me about a month ago crying so hard I could barely understand her. She was drinking and left a party that her and her fiancee were at. She got in a fight with 2 girls and her fiancee (at the time) didn't do anything to help her. She said she had only been gone for 3 minutes before she called me. I had no clue where she was at since it was in a different city and in the country. I drove for an hour and found her. We were talking on the phone the whole time and I got her home safe. She mentioned to a mutual friend (about 4 times) that I really am great for what I did that night. Our conversation on the phone while she made it safe to her house was that I am the only person in her life that she can trust and I am the only man that treats her the way she wants to be treated. I have not talked with her since that night (which she just broke it off with her fiancee about 1 week or so ago). I need to know what I should do to try to get back the person that has my heart. I know the best thing is to tell her that I know what she did and I do forgive her. However, I can't hurt her and I feel if I didn't tell her she would never be happy knowing what she did. What can I do?

Our Suggestion:
Yes, tell her you know about the abortion.

But, be prepared for anything. She might tell you the pregnancy was by another man, for example. Could you handle that?

More than likely, however, she will be upset because she aborted your baby and she knew how much you wanted one.

As your pastor said, this is the way to get her back. Otherwise she will hang back because of her guilty feelings. Tell her up front that you forgive her for whatever happened. It sounds like she will come back to you immediately once this is all done.

Good luck! George

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