From Friends to Boyfriend-Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old MaleI have know this women for 8 years from college to the working world. We have had conversations with no real resolution but thoughts of us dating. In the past four years we've always lived in different areas and now we live in the same area. We're learning more and more about each other because our circles of influence has always been associated with college keeping part of our lives in the past. We are very close, if not best friends and its hard to read what feelings are there.
I have asked about the chance of us dating and if there is anything wrong with me that she wouldn't. I could not get a reply from her except that there is nothing wrong with me and that I was attractive. These answers didn't answer the question fully but I don't want to push it. We go on trips, church, and have both said that we know we can't meet other people hangin out together. But we always do things together.
I'm at a loss for what to do. I know that we both have some feelings as more than friends but nothing its in limbo. Are goals are the same and we see ourselves in each others lives with our children hangin out when we're married.
does that mean theres no chance for us or is saying that a safe zone? i'm 31 and she's 26. We've both also agreed that the person we will marry will be a friend to have the foundation of a relationship? is that a sign, should I let time pass and see what happens making a move? Please help.
I am currently making a scrap book with poems of friendship and relationships, adding in some funny ones to lighten things he and story of how we met with pictures of our experiences in school. I wrote that I will always love her because of the experiences we've had and how we've been there for each other. We will always be friends. Please help and put me in the right direction.
RomanceClass.com AdviceI have a page done up on going from friend to boyfriend-girlfriend -
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/friendlover.asp
it's the way the best of relationships begin, and it creates a really solid relationship because both people already know how to talk and communicate and trust and be honest. But it isn't easy - because both people value the friendship they have and are worried about harming it. But since the reward is so much incredibly more powerful, it is of course well worth the risk.
Another issue that some people have is that they were raised with a fairy-tale notion of romance - how it's going to be this Tall Handsome Rich Prince or Slender Beautiful Blonde Busty Princess and how the two will live happily ever after. They don't realize how much more important having a Best Friend is - and how looks may seem keen while you're 20 or 30 but in reality all looks fade and what is inside you is far, far more important for the long run.
So it might be a combination of those issues that is holding her back. I would keep sliding the relationship along into a more romantic mood. Take her to movies - first funny ones, then loving ones. Go out to restaurants with her - first casual ones, then more intimate ones. Let her see that you don't lose anything as you go - that you gain a lot. Rent movies to watch with her that involve friends realizing how important that friendship is. There are certainly trillions of them out there! Sometimes it really helps to *be* in those situations with someone and realizing that it's a good thing - and that while it doesn't match up with your fantasy world you've built, that maybe the fantasy wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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