I'm Jealous of my Boyfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleI have a serious problem. I get jealous of my boyfriend really easily.
I especially get jealous when he checks out other girls. What does it mean why guys do this? Does it mean he wants her and wants me to look like her?
RomanceClass.com AdviceI have a whole how-to on handling jealousy - it can EASILY destroy a relationship, so don't just ignore it!
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/jealousy/index.asp
Really, if you're jealous it means you're untrusting of your boyfriend - that you're afraid he will leave you. In this case it sounds like you don't think you're pretty enough and that when he looks at another girl it means he would rather be with her.
Looks are pretty meaningless in life! As you age, your looks fade. It's a normal part of life! So if you are with someone because they "look good", are you just going to keep changing dates as you get older, dating younger and younger people? Will you be a 50-year-old dating a young 16 year old and trying to go out to discos and such?
It's so much better to be with someone who is your best friend, regardless of what they look like. Someone who you trust, who you can talk to, who you really get along with. Those are the qualities that last over time, that are always important. It shouldn't matter if you gain weight as you age or get flabby or whatever. Because those are silly changes your body normally does. It should matter what you are like *inside* because that part stays the same.
In any case, admiring beauty is a normal thing in life. If you were outside and there was a gorgeous sunset, wouldn't you look at it? If there was a beautiful painting on the wall of the restaurant you were in, wouldn't you look at it? It doesn't mean you want to steal the painting!! It just means you see something beautiful and appreciate its beauty. But that has NOTHING to do with wanting to abandon a relationship with a person you care for. The two are completely separate.
Really, read the pages on jealousy, and learn to trust that your boyfriend cares for you. What he looks at is pretty meaningless. How he feels about you is what is meaningful.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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