im in love to him,want him back,but don't know if he really deserve to me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Dear Romance,

I will put my name anonymously,though this was my second attempt of sending my love story and seeking honest advice.I'm 26 years old and my boyfriend is turning 43 soon,it was obviously big gap but that was all about love.I have wrote and sent my first story about how i met my boyfriend and about our breaking up last time.He lives in New York and i live in Asia,were both in love when we first met each other,our relationship was so great evethough it was a long distance relationship,we survived it, through ups and down.A year ago i've wrote to you my boyfriend was divorced and got two kids and the same with me i have one kid and got divorced.My boyfriend and i broke up each other and got back again in a few months.He called me that time and telling that he wouldn't be better without me,he wrote me email and said to me that he really needed me and wanted me,i will let you read and anylize his mail when he tried getting me back to his life,


"(Baby.
I really thought that we were finished when I was in Manila, then magic happened when I saw you again at the Penn bar, I know you knew that if I saw you I couldn't stay away from you, you will never know how I felt that moment, It was like my other half was suddenly there. I still think about us all the time. I am so sorry that I doubt us sometimes, I too tried to forget you and cannot, I cannot get you out of my heart no matter what happens in my life. Even though I am happy with my work and my sons I cant really be happy because I always think of you and how much better things would be if I could share them with you.

I withdrew from many things after Manila, I couldn't understand so many things about you, and wanted you to fight for us, I am haunted by dreams of the only woman who has ever possessed me so completely, I still make love to you in my dreams, I have met women and cannot be with them because I cannot compare my feelings, you are always with me, noone else makes me feel as special and complete. I think of Asha and the picture of you holding your baby, I love her and have never met her, like she is the daughter I never had. I want to see you, and I want to be with you in the real world, not a trip, not a fantasy, yo and me and our children. I know life is not perfect but I am only interested in living it with the first woman to own me, that's you, I want you I need you and I LOVE YOU.)"


That was his email to me,i relied and trusted from his word and let him into my life back again.Everything was great again it was like the same feeling when we first met though it was still long distance relationship.We called each other texted very often,from that moment we still have the same issue about ups and down.There were times i have doubt about his life,question that i cannot ask him if i challenge him and ask him,if his still married.Question that i leave behind and never get that chance of asking him.It was a mystery to me why can't call him whenever it weekends time and get text from him seldom and responsed my sms so late.He also have issue from me asking how i survived on living and offering me help but i told him many times that i can managed my living and survived.Whenever we fight he used to tell me that my life is full of mystery.Don't know why he said that,all i know maybe because i travel a lot in Asia and he wonders where i got those expenses.I told him that i have small business and needed to travel that frequently.Sometimes there were some issues that he has this big insecurity,sometimes i feel like he doesn't trust me that much as much as i trusted him.I love him so much and still in love with him,i care about him so much too but i feel like things from him are not reciprocal.Why i've said this,after a month the relationship has started again,he disappeared two weeks off to the beach with his family he said.I understand that part but i dont understand not emailing me or calling or texting me at least once.He got back in town and expecting from him to drop me a line,but still didn't heard from him.Until i decided to take off to Hongkong.I got there and still tried my effort of calling him,until i reached him by giving him a call.Here i am very forgiveness,easy to let go things and get over it.He've done
that disappearance not only once but twice,he always have those same odd stories either his phone his not working or make up something.I was very positive and always easy to let go things.But there were a times that i get fed up,i also disappeared sometimes whenever he ignored me,i used to tell him that ill be leaving him alone for a while if he keep ignoring me,i did it but for him he used to tell me i must be going with somebody why i have to disappear,for him that was he used to think about me.I don't think he understand my feelings at all.The relationship survived one year eventhough we fought.From one year we only get together twice,honestly he only spent 3nights,not really visiting me i guess cause he always business meetings.He said he only flew in Asia just for me,but don't think so.The last time i saw him was just 3moths ago,he said so much words telling me that he wants to marry me and have baby with me,the usual he used to tell whenever we saw each other.He used to tell me to visit him in US.We had fantastic night the last time we got together,we made love as if were on honeymoon,with so much passion.To tell you honestly my heart break into pieces whenever he left and fly back to US.We spent two nights that
night,here another issues from him again,i thought he left that day already,until the night i was playing with my phone and tried to dialed his number just to hear his voice from voicemail,but then i found out that he still here because the phone was ringing,thought hes gone.I checked the hotel to make sure where he stayed he wasn't there,but didn't stop to find out the truth i checked all hotels in Hongkong,and i was right he was here,he didn't tell me or ring me.I called the hotel he stayed,connected to his room, he picked up,i askes if he was shock,he said,no.I asked him again why he didn't tell me and he hung up the phone without saying bye.
He texted me without even calling me,just text,explaining that he has business meeting came up when he reached the airport.All i said to him that he lied,and told him that if he cares we would call me at least.I did not speak to him for a week,he texted and called me but i ignored him.And called me until a week.He mean't to say sorry,but here i am forgave him and tried to understand him.He said he loves me very much.Were back again,one day i went back to Singapore and decided to go away from town for a days.Called him but no answered,i didn't realized phone wasn't working in there.After four days i texted him and he said i disappeared,told him i went to the beach and spent 4days phone didn't work,he was so suspicious about it.I don't want to say sorry that much cause i know ive done nothing wrong.But i have to cause his been starting ignoring me again telling me that,"were ok and then this after those thing weve been through"!I tried telling him that i was sorry and wont go out of town anymore.He answered me like very suspicious,i got mad cause he was so unfair.I texted him,"(fuck off and told him his giving me too much headache)"then he responsed back more even worst from my sms telling me,"(slut,probably whoring from my friends at friendster and sleeping with old man)",i was hurt when he told me that and naming me so mean without respect anymore.Couldn't believe from his words,two days and he texted me he was sorry cause he was hurt,angry and lashed out.Here i am again very soft and easy.He told me not disappear anymore without calling him.Were ok again,until i got to the point that maybe i needed rest from those fights.I called him told him that i wanna be away for a week with my daugther.I emailed him twice when im away,cause told him that my phone wont work in there.He responsed and said he love me so much and ring him after my trip.After my trip i rang him but he didnt answered,texted him several times until got responsed from him telling me that,"(he wasn't feeling ok from the past few days and needed rest)",asked him why and what's goin on.He said," he has too much pressure and cannot answer me all the time whenever i have confrontational messages",and texted me again,"look i think youre wonderful but i think this realtionship is not goin to work and we have to stop this,he said he needs a life there and his life is not full there.I was totally shocked and cried like catching my breath away.I asked him if he loves me,he said,"yes but sometimes it is not enough and he have to this and it's better this way!"He texted again,"im sorry maybe i just needed time to figure things out,im not getting any younger and i need life here not just phone and text!" Then i made up story telling him ,"the reason why i wanted to be away and spent my time to my daughter cause after the trip i wanted to visit him on his birthday,cause you told me to visit on your birthday",he responsed back telling me that why i didn't tell him and he said that,"im not going to be in NY for a week,im goin to London!"
I don't know things he told me are not accurate,i don't know !I tried to fight for my feelings,told him that can't give up,two days tried texting him telling him that i love him and he means a lot to me.But no reply,until i told him that
if that what he really wanted and makes him happy then i will leave him alone and gone soon for him.No reply,4 days gone by already.Texted him that im leaving the country and wont use my phone number anymore,wish him the best and told him and hope he find true happiness in his life,i even greated him advance happy birthday.Then he responsed finally told me,"be well and i will always think of you!"

Thats all the story ended,it was almost a week now.I admit that i still love him,but im confused.I wish he could tell me the reason why,cause i know there must be other reason.Im still shocked,i wanna so much question,i feel like the story is not ended yet,i always have the feeling that one they he'll call me and beg my hand again.But i don't know anymore,i love him and forgive him even he broke my heart many times.But don't know what to do,hope you help to find
the way,the truth.

Until next,
Romance Avidly Fan things will work out ok for you.

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RomanceClass.com Advice
You and your boyfriend need to stop this long distance romance and get together.

Make this your priority. If he won't go along with the idea then quit contacting him. His priority must be the same as yours. Getting together.

Otherwise you are both wasting your time.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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