im jealous and im pushing her away....

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
hey..... ive read ALOT of advice on this site... but none of it is specific enough for me to follow... and i swear its driving me crazy and driving her away... and i cant stand it..... me and my girlfriend have known eachother for over 1 1/2 years weve been dating for over 1/2 of a year now..... I love her to death... id do anything for her, but she makes me jealous... im not sure she knows it... ive talked with her about it, but some things she does still gets to me... like, when we started dating, everything was good... and then we had military ball.. well im usually not the jealous type but she said she had to dance with her best friend *a guy i might add* well they start dancing, and i go to get drinks, while im over there a fast song comes on and i go back over there and she's grinding him.... that kinda made me mad.. but i didnt say anything till afterward because im not to good of a dancer and i know she was just trying to have a good time... well i walked up to them and she saw me and just kinda stopped... like omg ....well we talked about that later, but whats been bugging me is (im sorry this might be long...) but what has been bugging me is that she does little things that shes used to doing because she was single for a while, like picking , biting, and backrubs... well weve talked about that too and she said she stopped, but then like 3 weeks ago at the last day of school... i learn about how she thinks my true colors are coming out and how im annoying her and how she wants to break up with me... well come to find out the next day that she thinks were moving in seperate ways, and all that... so i tell her to do what makes her happy and walk away after she kisses me on the cheek and says goodbye... she calls me back the next night saying she still loves me and shes sorry and she made a mistake... well i drag it out of her that it was her mom that put a bunch of crap in her head about how were not compatable and other things and the things she said that she told some people that she wouldnt tell me... that im worried about and i dont need to be, the reason she wont tell me is because she says it will hurt me... i got most of it out of her, but theres this one thing that she wont tell me, and she told her brother figure and its getting to me.... well ne way.... so we start dating again... im trying to get over this jealousy thing... i hate it... putting her through that crap... but ne way... she has a ex bf in sc that called her mom...(they kept in touch after their 4mth long distance relationship) and asked if he could come see her... well i meet him while im at work... she works at the subway in my walmart, and im like ok ... whatever i didnt really like him picking her up but whatever *oh and by the way she is 15 but she is more mature for her age then alot of adults i know and she cant officially go out on dates until she's 16, and shes supposed to be on restriciton* well... ne way he picks her up.... and i get a voice mail later saying he took her out to eat at applebees and she said "that sounds horrible (laughing in background) but yeah ill talk to you later bye" ok.. that kinda ticked me off... ok well alot... but i called her and we talked about it and she started crying and saying she was sorry... i love her i do , but these little things like that have to stop there making me crazy... i dont want to be jealous... i dont want to push her away.... should i be jealous, shes stopped most of everything but its like i keep finding little things to be jealous over... how can i stop being so insecure about getting hurt or cheated on... and trust her completely where i dont have to worry about things as much...... ive been hurt to many times in the past and our relationship is the best ive ever had.. and i want it to last... were together now and everythings going good... i just want to stop it before it starts again... please help...

thank you so much...

Dayless (not real name)

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RomanceClass.com Advice
You definitely have a problem with trust.

Trust is one of the most important aspects of a good relationship so naturally you find this lack of trust to be threatening. And, besides, jealousy feels lousy.

Sometimes if you hold something too tightly it slips out of your grasp. That is the risk you are taking by being so jealous. Try this: every time a jealous though or feeling comes over you fight against it like an enemy. Say to it "go away, she loves me." Do this a 100 times and the jealousy will stop trying to bother you and give up.

Also see the webpage which as good info on trust:
http://www.coping.org/growth/trust.htm

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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