My Jealousy Issues

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I know this is long...sorry...please bear w/ me because I really need some help. ..I got together with my boyfriend when I was 17, and he was 22, and was together w/ him for almost four years. (We lived together for the last year.) I am now almost 22 and he is almost 27. Simply put, after those four years, I decided to break up with him for a number of reasons: I felt unappreciated, felt no romance was there (no surprise gifts or affection: I only recieved two presents from him, including flowers, the whole four years!), felt maybe I was too young to be in a serious relationship (turning 21 for some reason made me feel a little need to let loose and be free), felt like both of our jealousy issues were too much for both us (both of us have had problems w/ the other speaking, looking and talking w/ a member of the opposite sex, and never watch porn:together or alone), and probably a few other reasons. I had a few run ins w/ the law after our break up, and ended up moving out of state to get financial help from my mom. We kept in contact, and three months after our break up, his company wanted to relocate him to another state, and he told me he wanted to, but only if I came with him. He told me he wanted to be w/ me, and only me. I decided, after a week, to say yes to that. We have been living together for only a month now, and have been trying to grow in terms of jealousy. We both want to be okay with telling the other that a member of the opposite sex is okay, and be okay w/ the fact that the other may masterbate. (which we never even did before-neither of us!) I'm finding it almost harder now, then before. I feel like every time I say anything that slightly upsets him, he goes off on how I'm complicating his life and how simple it was before(while we were seperated). In respect to jealousy issues, I find it hard to deal w/ him constantly telling me that girls are hot (when he would never admit that a girl was hot before), or that a girl has a great rack, or the fact that he wants to watch porn most of the time we have sex now...we have not once made love, despite the fact that I've told him how much I need that connection with him, since we got back together. I get mad over stupid things: like the other night we went out drinking, and as we were getting ready to leave he said a girl was good looking. It made me mad for two reasons, because he said it, and because I thought she was a fat bitch!-i didn't understand y he thought that somebody who looks completely opposite of me would be good looking. I told him that when we're out together, he should respect me and not make comments about other women, because I give him that respect. I didn't tell him about a couple guys I thought were hot! Another thing..I ran into a movie review forum where he posted something. In regards to seeing the movie, he said, "Giggly boobs, count me in!"-that's it. Yes, it makes me mad when he looks at other girls and are attracted them. But I know this is normal because I am to other guys...but I look at girls a lot more than guys. I just don't go around saying things to him about them. I try to explain to him that I have a harder time dealing with it because it's always in my face: movies are always showing girls tits and not guys dicks...in general everything is focused on women being hot, not men. I just don't think men have a quarter of the crap to deal w/ that women do. And I know he gets just as jealous as I do about the same shit, he just (1) doesn't get put into the situation as much as I, as a woman, do and (2) doesn't drag it out into a long fight like me. I just don't know what to do. I'm jealous over stupid stuff, and then get into huge arguments w/ him and don't drop it for hours sometimes. I don't want to loose him because I love him, and I know he loves me and he's more faithful than I believe any other guy could ever be. I just don't know how to get over my own issues w/ everything. I don't want to loose him because I'm keeping him on such a tight leash. Please give me some thoughtful, and in-depth advice. ..I'd really appreciate it. Sincerely, *TheOverylyJealousOne*

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RomanceClass.com Advice
Jealousy is a terrible thing and can break relationships apart.

Finding trust is the answer and feeling good about yourself.

Rather than repeating advice given elsewhere I refer you to a good website:

http://www.coping.org/growth/trust.htm

You two could also benefit from professional counseling. This problem doesn't look like it is going away on its own.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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