do not know what to do

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I met this man at work about 10 years ago, he was married at the time. We have always gotten along very well and became friends. Four years ago he caught his wife cheating and she divorced him.They have several children together and had been married 20 years. I was there for him when he needed to talk after the divorce and we became very close and started seeing each other. For four years we saw each other everyday. I get along very well with his children, 3 of them are young and he sees them 4 days a week. About 3 months ago he starts making excuses not to see me and keeps me away from his kids. He would call me a couple days and stay the night with me when he didnt have his kids. A friend of mine advised me he had been calling several of her female co-workers alot and has been dating one of them regularly.I was told he has had this womans 7 year old daughter with him several times while shopping. When I ask him about it , of course he denies it and tells me he doesnt even know this womans last name and the daughter is a friend of his daughters and he took her with him one time alone to the store.I dont know why a mother would allow her young daughter to go with a man unless she knows him real good. I looked on his cell and her phone number is there, and she calls him alot. I come to my own conclusion that he is cheating, so I leave him alone and I start to date others again. When he finds this out he's calling me all the time and wanting to see me, so like a fool I do see him. He promises me he never cheated on me and I want to trust him but something in me says not to. After seeing him again and being with him and his kids for about a month, he gets distant again. Doesnt call, doesnt show when we have plans,and avoids me with no explaination. In the month I was with him he always had me come to his house. We didnt go out in public at all, until one night late i asked if we could go out to eat instead of eating at his house. When we walked into the resturaunt, he didnt even walk in with me and stayed away from me until I was seated, then he came and sat down. I felt as if he didnt want to be seen with me. During the dinner he didnt talk much to me but he constantly had the waitress over to the table and was laughing and having a good ol time with her. Afterwards I asked him whats the problem and he just tells me nothings wrong. He called me several times after but now I havent heard from him for like a week. I had loved this man so much and he said he loved me. We had planned on marriage. He knows I will come running when he wants, I know he will call soon (he always does). I think he has been using me and calls me now just for sex and doesnt want anyone to know it, but he doesnt want me to see other men, although I think he sees other women, maybe even his ex-wife. I think I should move on and date others, not answer his calls and get a life. Im tired of him doing as he pleases and wanting me to just stay home and wait on him. Can a man love a woman and be like a yoyo to the point I dont know if he really even loves me anymore? Do you think he's been cheating all along? Advice
Sad to say, but it does sound like he's been cheating on you.

There are a lot of signs of it: the distant attitide, the reluctance to be seen in public are examples.

Let him know what you think and what you are planning on doing. He will probably deny everything and promise to be different. If you want to give it another try then write down some things that you expect of him. You already know what they are since you mentioned them above.

But my advice is to dump him now as he can't be trusted and seems to be using you.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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