He cheated, its a habit, I want to help.

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
So here is the situation...
My boyfriend and I were doing really well. We have fun together, we are affectionate, etc. About three days ago he sent me a text message saying we needed a break, but wouldnt tell me why. Finally I went to his house and convinced him to tell me, he had cheated on me. He had become intoxicated at a friend's house and the rest is self-explainitory. I was crushed, more in shock than anything. He went on to tell me that every relationship he has had, about a year into it he cheats on them, and he doesn't know why. He told me that this was the first time he ever cheated while he was intoxicated, every other time he has been perfectly sober. He explained that it never bothered him until now, because he really has strong feelings for me. He said he wanted to break up and figure out why, but doesnt want me involved because he was afraid to hurt me. Of course i was very hurt, but i kept my cool. Obviously he has a problem, and he wants to change. I agree with us not being together, but i dont want to cut him out of my life completely. I told him that I want to help him through this, help him figure it all out, and then if he can prove that he wont do it again and gain my trust back, i would reconsider our relationship. If I help or am involved in some way its easier for me to trust him and it lets him know that Im not like all his other ex's that just abandoned him. I want to know how i can support him. I know i dont want to tell him what to do or where to be or what i think, i think its better if he figures out why he did it for himself. I dont want to screw this up, i want to help, but obviously i need to create boundries. I just dont know how far to go, and how to know if it will eventually work out for us, or not.

RomanceClass.com Advice
While it is nice that you want to help him, this is a job for a professional.

Your biggest assistance would be to convince him to seek out a licensed therapist to work with him on his problem. Maybe after a few sessions he can tell you what the therapist recommends for you two to try.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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