My Boyfriend is Always Angry

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
my boyfriend and i have been together 7 months and he never wants me to leave and he always gets angry when i go do something. yet he goes out and its not a big deal. i can't stand being controlled but i dont want to hurt him... what do i do?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
The first thing is to realize this is a VERY SERIOUS issue. Guys that are angry and control freaks do not "get better". If anything, the more they do it, the more they think it's normal behavior, and the worse they get. So while you've let this go on for 7 months it's really time to stop. Only you will speak up for yourself. So it is something VERY important for you to do.

I have advice on handling anger here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23684

The key is that your relationship must be FAIR and must not involve anger. Neither of you has the right to yell at each other. You have the right to express displeasure!! But the minute you start yelling, you are disrespecting the other person. You are saying "If I am louder than you, then you must listen to me." Which is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Sit down with him and have a long, serious talk. I have talk-setting-up advice here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

and say that you are unhappy with how you guys handle disagreements. Don't say "It's your fault!" Just say that you know that together you can find a way to handle issues that will make you both happier. I'm sure he doesn't like yelling and would agree that he'd like things to be happier too. So agree together not to yell, to talk about things you are upset about. Agree to take time outs if you feel yourself getting worked out.

Once that is resolved, then talk about how your relationship needs to be fair. You both must have the same level of freedom because you are both human beings. If it is OK for one of you to go out X days a week with friends, then that applies to both of you. Whatever level of outside friendship you both agree on, you both will live with.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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