I drove him away, and then he left
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleMy boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me about 11 weeks ago. I still can't get over it. I am emotionally devastated every day. My favourite time of the day is bed-time and my biggest fear is the morning, when I have to get up and face another day without him in my life. We lived together for over a year and a half and I just feel like life isn't worth living without him. I know that I will never find anyone as unique, funloving, responsible and entertaining ever again. And the worst part of it is that I drove him away.
A few weeks before we broke up I told him that there was nothing there when he tried to give me a hug - I totally took him for granted. He used to tell me he loved me and I used to say "No, you don't". Because at the end of our relationship we started to get really petty with each other in our arguments. So basically, I'm getting exactly what I deserve. I just never thought that he'd leave me - what a dumbass.
Anyway, 3 days after we broke up he moved in with another girl and is now in a relationship with her. It's a girl that he used to live with (just as friends) before we even met and I hear through mutual friends that they are blissfully happy together.
He has said a couple of things that don't make sense to me. He has told me that the only reason he left was because he thought that I wanted him to yet he has told mutual friends of ours that if it wasn't for this girl (I won't mention her name, except to say that it's the same as mine - how convenient), he wouldn't have left. Now, what do you make of that??
Anyway, my thoughts are constantly on getting him back because I was so stupid and I just want another chance to show him how much I love him. I miss him with every breath in my body each and every day. I want to show him that I can be responsible too and that together we could have such a bright future. However, I fear it is too late. Do you have any advice at all, any small glimmer of hope, that some day, some how, I may get my second chance with my knight in shining armour?
RomanceClass.com AdviceOK, first, you are fully in the throws of breakup pain. Believe me, I've been there. You were with this guy for 2 1/2 years and it is going to take you months to get over him. Yes, it really hurts. But also believe me, that hurt fades, and you need to start thinking very realistically about how this is a good thing for you to have done.
People who are good together don't start telling each other they don't feel anything for each other - they don't deny each other's love - they don't allow petty arguments to keep going. Yes, it was *easy* to be together. But it wasn't *right*. He left you and went running right into that other girl's arms. That's not the actions of someone who was fully and truly in love with you. That's the actions of someone who was staying because he didn't have the energy to take action - but that given a small push was running eagerly in another direction.
It sounds like he was never honest with you about how he felt, if he was that unhappy - and it's only reinforced by how he's now lying to you about this other girl and why he left. Jeez, you guys are broken up and he STILL can't be honest about the relationship! At least he should be honest about that so you can go on with his life. Instead he's pretending it's all your fault and "things would have been roses and romance except that YOU told him to go." I don't think so.
You are focussing on all the good you guys had, and avoiding the bad parts. That's normal. But the relationship was seriously failing before it shattered. It was partially your fault, but it was also very much HIS fault too. You two just weren't right for each other. You need to start taking care of *yourself*. One of those things in life you learn is that you can't wait for the Prince Charming to come make your life wonderful. YOU have to make your life wonderful, and when you do, your prince charming will come share that life with you.
I have advice on recovering from a breakup here -
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/54875
So take bubble baths, dive into your favorite hobbies, and find a way to be happy with YOU. When you are, you will find a guy truly worthy of sharing that life with you.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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