whats his issue now
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old FemaleI’ve known this guy for the last year but we barely spoke until 3 months ago. We’ve been spending more time together and its basically been developing into something more over time. He used to do all these really great things for me all the time. He asked me out and I had some concerns about differences in values. So he respected that but still kept the door open. We haven’t exactly talked about where the relationship is going- it just seems to have happened somewhat since then. We spend time together- usually there just seems to be people around a lot more- not out of choice- its just due to the nature of our jobs. He answers my questions about his life and relationships and general history, views on life etc very easily. He has mentioned that he has cheated on a girlfriend before.
When we talked about us He did mention that he wanted to be a REAL item and asked if I would introduce him to my family as my boyfriend. I would too- there are just some complications (certain family issues- so I wanted to make sure that we have a shot before I do that). He introduced me to his family and friends already- there was no term used at the time.
Lately, the thing that has me all confused is that until last week he mentioned what he thinks our kids would look like but then says that he cant have kids now cos he just isn’t ready and used to refer to me as the MRS even in front of others (Im not sure if he’s just teased me or if he wants to see how I really feel about having a really committed relationship with him- that’s the one thing he wont answer) and the next he’s talking about sex a lot- not that it’s the only thing that we talked about. When he asked me out and I turned him down he decided he can’t REALLY tell me how he feels about me because cos he’s worried that I’ll give him a hard time about it.
He eventually said that he wants to have sex with me and cares about me and our relationship wouldn’t be just about sex- except this is pretty much all we’ve talked about lately- he’s been a bit distant still and all the nice stuff that he used to do came to grinding halt. We’ve discussed it somewhat and he seemed fine with waiting for a while and then suddenly he wasn’t. We haven’t really been all that physical anyway mostly because of my serious lack of experience and timing always seems off.
Last week all of a sudden he started keeping his distance even more- we still talked its just that it seemed like he’s just not interested. I asked him about it and he says that we should just be friends and he doesn’t want to take that step cos he’ll just hurt me. He wants me to be that person that he still speaks to in the future not just another girl that he slept with (we came pretty close a few days before that) and hurt badly and He cares about me and respects me so I shouldn’t take it personally. He went on to say that Im too nice and helpful and he needs someone like him- whatever that means- and how do I know that he hasn’t been seeing anyone else.. apparently I wasn’t supposed to trust him when he said that. He now is avoiding me totally- not that I tried talking with him its just he saw me in the general vicinity cos we are based in the same area and walked off in the opposite direction as if I was going to make some big deal of it (really not that much of a sucker).
Now don’t get me wrong- I deserve A lot better than this so im not asking what’s wrong with me. I just wanted to know from a guy’s perspective why the hell go through all that for nothing. Why get me to care about him that much and show that much patience then suddenly turn into a total that. He’s supposed to moving soon- so someone said that could be the reason- I think that’s lame! Is it the initial challenge, is it a whole player thing or is it just that he couldn’t hold out for week? What is the issue?
RomanceClass.com AdviceI'm not sure what you mean when you say "or is it just that he couldn't hold out for a week?" What week are your referring to and do you mean that he couldn't wait for sex?
That is the crux of the problem, I think. He seems to be a player and comes on strong, hoping to get you into bed. When that hasn't worked out, he became more insistent and then finally lost interest.
If you want to continue the relationship, tell him you want sex and soon. But, I'm sure you would think twice before going in that direction, because it doesn't say much for him.
Best luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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