He Cheated, I'm Still Jealous

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 years now. About 2 1/2 years he cheated on me with a 35 years old woman. I was 21 at the time, he himself admitted it to me via online chat. This literally distroyed me and although we are still together i cannot seem to get over it.

About 4 months ago i lost our first baby at 5 months we had plans to move out and start our own little family and now he says that hes not ready to move out. The baby died and our plans died along with our son. I am still trying to recover from losing my first born and i am very upset that he would bail out on me. I am also going through a bankruptcy and having serious money problems, he on the other hand makes very good money and has no cares in the world.

Lately when he goes out with his "friends" he doesnt take his cell phone WHY?? it drives me crazy because how could he forget his cell phone 2 nights in a row? Is it because hes going with someone else and he doesnt want her to know because the bill comes to my house? When i get way it stresses me out a lot and i feel like im going crazy, i will drive by his house to see if his car is there, and i am even tempted of driving my friends house where he is supposed to be to see if i see his car. But i dont think its right for me to do that.

Last night he went out with his friends supposably they just hung out at his friends house and were drinking, he didnt get home until about 3am i went to his house and he kept telling me he loved me and that he was sorry for acting dumb since we have been arguing alot about our living situation and his change of mind regarding moving out. I asked him about marriage he said he dosent think about it.

I love him so much, more than anything is the world but why cant i get over the fact that he cheated on me, why is it hard for me to give him the benefit of the doubt if i know that he has changed alot with him since then... Please help what should i do? Do i have a right to be upset? How do you keep from letting your mind play games on you?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal because a relationship is forged on trust and respect. If your partner proves he's quite willing to satisfy his own selfish needs and lie to you - how can you ever trust him again? If he claims he's going to the bar or to friends or anywhere else, how do you know he's not just cheating again? You have to trust him - but he's already proven that he's not worthy of that trust.

It takes a HUGE amount of effort to get through a betrayal and reforge a new relationship and it sounds like your boyfriend just isn't making any effort. He does what he wants and doesn't really worry about how it affects you. You're going through a lot of stress and he's not there to support you. He's focussing on his own fun and games.

I would really find a therapist or minister or someone and get some help with this. Talk about the way you feel and what is going on in your life. There is a LOT you have to deal with and you deserve someone to be there to help you with it all. Once you get yourself a more firm standing you may realize that this guy is a jerk and just not worth your time. But you need someone to talk with first, to work everything through.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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