My Husband is Hiding Things from Me

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
me and my husband have been married 16 years. He has lied to me, hides stuff from me. i really dont know if he is messing around or not but all this just started this past year. please help. Advice
The problem with cheating and lying is once you know someone is CAPABLE of it, you never know when they started or when they will end. There's never a way to prove someone has been fully honest in what they are doing. You can only catch them when they are being dishonest. The rest of the time you have to trust them. Once that trust is shattered, your relationship is pretty much shattered along with it.

If you've caught him in lies and deception, and confronted him with it, hopefully you've made it clear to him just how much this has harmed your trust in him. But if he's actively STILL being deceptive it's time to call in a therapist. Either he works on making this relationship work or it simply will not. How can you have a partner in life that is only giving you part of his world? If you can't trust your partner with the relatively little things in life, what happens when something major happens and you can't rely on him to be there for you?

This can easily eat you away from the inside and make you miserable for the rest of your marriage. Get it resolved and handled. Either he begins to be 100% honest with you and share everything with you, just like you share with him, or he's not a healthy part of your life any more. It's not that you want to be his "mommy" and check up on him. It's that you want to be his PARTNER that shares everything with him - and he should voluntarily want that too!! If he does NOT want to share everything with you, then HE has a serious problem and either he fixes that or he lets you find someone who WILL.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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