My girlfriend doesn't seem to understand why I'm jealous

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok, me and my girlfriend have been dating for about nine months now. She is the first real girlfriend i have ever had. I am twenty and she is eighteen. We were good friends before we started dating and have always considered ourselves in a serious exclusive relationship and have talked about getting married someday and having children. We know we are young, but think it's possible. Sometimes though, she gets in these moods where she questions whether this is possible and acts like she doesn't want to be with me, but she hasn't broken up with me. She used to talk to a lot of guys within the first few months we were dating and I used to get really upset about that, and I didn't think it was a jealousy thing considering a couple of the guys were ex boyfriends and would say inappropriate things to her, one even asked her to take naked pictures of herself and send them to him. We got in the biggest fight and broke up for awhile because I just couldn't stand it when I would call her at night and she would be talking to some guy that would say inappropriate things to her. After a few weeks apart she realized that she wanted to be with me and promised she would stop talking to them so we got back together. I was happy and then she left on a vacation to her aunts house where her cousin was having a graduation party and she met a guy there and told me they stayed up all night talking til seven in the morning and even though there were other people in teh room too, they fell asleep in teh same bed. Whoa, I was a little upset about that, and she said I needed to stop being so jealous, but I know if I had stayed up all night talking to some girl and fell asleep with her she would flip. The big problem I see here is they are both going to the same college next year in Chicago and we will be three hours apart. She also told me the guy is good looking and when i asked if she would ever consider dating him if we weren't together she said yes. Anyway, i've talked to some other people about this, but how do I get her to understand that I am not overreacting by being upset that she did that? Obviously anybody is going to be upset if their serious partner is talking to someone all night and falls asleep with them, but she doesn't get it and thinks I am acting ridiculous, I don't think she would cheat on me, but it seems like the guys she has always tried to be friends with are the type that ask her to do stuff, is there anything I can do to get her to understand that doing things like this is not okay when two people are in a serious relationship and that I am not just acting jealous? Advice
It all comes down to trust. You seem to trust her and you are not being overly jealous. She also trusts you since she is telling you what she is doing. You will need to become accustomed to her behavior since she is who she is. You are partly attracted to her for those reasons.

Certainly you should continue to let her know how you feel and that includes jealous feelings. But be calm about it and rational. She will respect that and hopefully modify her behavior.

Chicago will be a challenge, that's for sure, but maybe they won't even see each other. Make sure you are a good boyfriend. That means only slightly jealous. This will encourage her to keep talking openly with you and thus less likely to do anything wrong.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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