I broke up with her, she kissed someone else

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend of nearly 3 years kissed another guy. We fight a lot but always make up right away. It was her bday weekend and we went out to a club. We got drunk and had a fight. Then she said its over and she left.

The next day i wasn't so forgiving because i was really hurt and she went to a party and kissed another guy. Then the next day she dissed me and kissed him again. She says that she feels so bad about it but she shows really no remorse for it. She said she cried all day, but later that day was when they "kissed" again.

I don't know what she did with him. She says just kissed. But it was just a few people up in the mountains. She wants to work things out but i don't know what to do. And of all things i know the person that she did this with. I kind of considered him as a friend. I also know that i'm way better looking then him.

I don't know whether or not to forgive her. She did tell me this right away though, later the night of the second "kissing" incident. What should i do? She says she really loves me and she said that when she was "kissing" him she was wishing it was me. She also said that she felt nothing. What should i do? Thanks.

RomanceClass.com Advice
OK, several things here. First off, you guys had broken up! It doesn't matter if you had broken up 1 or 10 times in the past. You were not dating. What she chose to do was completely her own business. If you wanted to keep her as a monogamous girlfriend you should not have been fighting with her. The fight happened, the breakup happened, she was single. For you to then be upset with her is unreasonable.

Second, what does it matter that you're "better looking than he was"?? What does it matter what anybody looked like? We're talking about a relationship here which should involve two people who care about each other. If you're going to start reducing it to the level of 'who looks best to kiss', it's going to self destruct pretty quickly. That is pretty meaningless in any relationship.

If you guys are fighting and breaking up all the time, your relationship will NEVER last unless you get that under control. A relationship is about trust and honesty. You have to trust that your partner is going to be there through the normal ups and downs of life. If what your girlfriend believes is that you're going to randomly yell at her and ditch her based on the ups and downs of life, she is going to quickly decide that she'd much rather be with someone who was nice to her and respects her.

I would seriously suggest you guys either see a couples therapist or make a pledge to each other to start DISCUSSING issues and not YELL at each other any more. And that if you DO hit an issue, you agree to talk about it later when you are more under control. Unless you learn to handle small issues when they come up, you are both going to be unhappy and find new lovers who make you far more happy, and break up for good.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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