He's Always Yelling at Me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
we have been together 10 months. i moved in with him after only two and we have had a lot of problems. the question i have is he and i have fixed a lot of things wrong and now if i say somehting he does not like... he gets mad and takes his anger out on me. this is everyday.

we love each other but i need to know what i should do to help him be nice to me again?

RomanceClass.com Advice
I really hope you just mean he's yelling at you. If he is hitting you in ANY WAY you need to get out of that relationship now, until he calms down. Find another place to live, find someone to talk to. You can love him quite readily from somewhere else, until he gets his anger under control. It is NEVER a good idea to stay near a person who can actively harm you. That's not a sign of love. It's a sign of power.

So let's assume he's just yelling at you. Which is bad enough. It's very normal for us women to think, "What am I doing wrong?" But if someone yells it is a sign of that PERSON'S lack of control. It's not that you "made him yell". Nobody can make you yell (well unless they stick a poker in your eyeball). If he CHOOSES to get angry about something that is his own fault. If he can't control his temper that is his own fault. It has NOTHING to do with you doing or not doing something. It has to do with his lack of patience and strength. I know a ton of big, strong guys that can be with the nastiest of women and let it all slide off. They don't have to "prove" they are manly by screaming at a woman.

You really have to take action with this guy soon. They do NOT fix themselves. They get used to yelling and it gets worse and worse over time because they think it's a "normal thing". I would sit down with him sometime - I have advice on having a talk here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

and say you know you are BOTH not happy with the fights you have. That together you can find ways to not fight any more. The best couples do NOT fight. They can disagree about things, but that should never involve yelling!! So agree, together, that the next time you start to feel like yelling, you'll take a break. And if he does start yelling, simply say you're going to go for a walk. Don't be angry, or upset, just say that it appears to be time for a walk. He should start to get the message that his behavior is simply not acceptable.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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