We Were Perfect but Then She Left

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I just broke up with this girl i was with for 6 1/2 months. It couldn't be a better relationship. Communication was there and sex was good. We were definitly happy with eachother.

We have been apart for almost a month and i was trying to figure out the reason she would give it up. Shes starting college soon and be on her own. I live 20 mins away and I thought it would be better for us, casue she lived on this island and basically door to door was about an hour, including ferry and drive. we didn't get to see eachother that much, like once a week if were lucky then twice. We still were going strong though.

So i was thinking maybe she broke up because of school or the abortion. She got an abortion midway through a relationship. We both agreed on it no one forced anything so it was all good. I think maybe its a combination of things.

She said that it didn't feel right. She was happy with us i could tell. We had an amzing time together. Then i thought it has to be somebody else. She said no. So yeah she just said it didn't feel right.

So what should i do. Give her space to see what she wants or what. It's killin me that shes gone. I want her back so bad. I feel like i'm in heaven when i'm with her. Help me please.

RomanceClass.com Advice
The big disconnect here is that you say things were perfect and you were both really happy - but obviously she was UNhappy enough to call it quits. People don't call it quits when things are just slightly wrong. They call it quits when something is serious enough to cause them to risk all the pain and unhappiness and break up angst that follows. But even though you thought you had great communication, she DIDN'T communicate her issues with you - either before the notice of breakup, or afterwards.

So that really points to something being wrong DURING your relationship that you never picked up on, and her not feeling comfortable enough in communicating about it to tell you and to work on it with you. And even now, when you ask her why, all she can say is "it doesn't feel right" which is about the most vague, cop-out answer you can give.

I would really sit down with her in person and have a serious talk about the relationship you had, even if it's just to get some closure here. I have advice on doing that here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/hardtalk.asp

say that you both have to admit EVERYTHING that bothered you so that you can get through the breakup and know what to do in the future. And then tell her some things that bothered you just to get things rolling. Not in a "You were a jerk to leave the toothpaste out!" sort of way but more in a "When I wanted backrubs you just weren't interested in giving them" less judgemental way. Don't interrupt her when she says her things just listen and understand. Ask her not to interrupt you for the same reason. The purpose is not to beat up on each other. The purpose is to finally say the things that had bothered you so you both realize just how much had been bottled up, so you get used to talking about issues, and so you get some ideas of things you can work on.

Who knows, once you get everything off your chest, you might realize that the issues CAN be addressed and give it another try!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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