He Likes to Argue

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Well, you know how...uhmm, how do you explain?  When a guy 'hates' you, sometimes it might mean he likes you?

Well, let's say I'm trying to figure out if this guy likes me, right?  

So, generally, he's a reallllllllllly nice person.  How do I know?  Because when I tell all my friends about how he sometimes really pisses me off, they ALL say "Well, he's nice to me."

It's like he goes out of his way to really just make me angry...

And we're quite opposites, too.  He has an opinion on that particular topic?  Well, I have the opinion verses that opinion.

And, on a side note, we talk on aim a lot.  Well, actually, it depends on your definition of 'a lot'.  We talk....if we're not in a fight.  Like I said, opposites.  Just one wrong comment, and immediately either of us block each other.  But if we aren't fighting, we talk...like an hour or so a day?

In addition, my friends always tease.  Or just simply say "I think he likes you."

Plus...uhmm, well this is hard to explain, but he sometimes he's like...
Well, for example, we both have a mutual friend, uhhmm...just call her O.  And he has a friend K.  And basically, they like each other, to scared to spill feelings, all that.  So, I'm trying to enlist his help to get them together, and I say "They belong together!" and he's like "Lol yes, they're meant to be, like u and me."  And then the next IM, "Jk"

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RomanceClass.com Advice
Definitely I think it's fair to say that if he really disliked you he wouldn't spend all this time with you! He'd be avoiding you. So he does like you to be investing all this time and energy on being with you.

That being said, to build a relationship based on being full of fights is not healthy. I know it can seem "normal" and even "fun" sometimes to have that passion. But long term, showing disrespect is the #1 reason relationships fail. So you need to learn another way of handling it.

You need to be first. You have to model the new behavior. The next time he upsets you, simply say "I disagree, and that is OK". Don't block him. Don't throw a tantrum. Let it slide. After all, does it really matter in the grand scheme of life? Heck, just walk away from the computer screen if you have to.

Hopefully after a few weeks of this he will start to see the new pattern. And if he blocks you, tell him it's a shame because you had enjoyed talking. So give him reinforcement in that area too.

You need to start directing the relationship to be more forgiving of mistakes, and less hostile.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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