I Mistreated Her

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
let me tell you about her first: she is a nice girl, never had a real relationship before me, her dad divorced her mom and moved away along with her 2 brothers, her dad has a drinking problem ... every guy friend she has ever had has left her.... so pretty much every guy in her life has left her.

Last summer we started dating and for the first 3 months both of us couldnt have been happier but the next 3 i started to take advantage of her being there like i didnt take her out at all.... and at a new years party i got way too drunk passed out in her arms and that really scared her...

so she broke up with me but she still wanted to stay friends and i agreed but i was just a wreck i couldnt believe for the first week i stayed in bed but than i did the worst thing possible i just tried to forget about her and to do i tried getting together with other girls, i grinded with them in front of her and just left her like every other guy in her life...

but i was never over her ever day i thought about her and what an idiot i was so lately i have been trying to get back together with her by apologizing to her hanging out with her a lot and i have asked her a couple of times to get back together with me....

and that is where the bro code breaker comes into it... lets call him b... see b goes after any girl he can get.... he plays the nice guy and no girl is able to tell when he is flirting with them but every other guy that knows him can.... about a year ago my buddy "s" wanted to try and go out with a girl b was flirting with and asked b if it was alright and b appreciated that s had asked him....

and now b is going after my girl playing the nice guy and im pretty sure b has asked her out and she said no because when i asked her if we could try again she said she didnt want to hurt (pause) people.... and now if i confront him about it i look like the asshole....

this girl means the world to me and i am stuck and have no idea what i can do please help.

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RomanceClass.com Advice
With all you have done to the girl the last thing you need to worry about is WHICH other guy is going to go in to be with her, it is simply that MANY other guys will be able to treat her nicely and want to be with her. It doesn't matter at all what their names are. It only matters that you have mistreated her, she has many other options out there, and if you want to win her back you're going to have to work at it with every ounce of effort you can muster.

You treated her poorly, she broke up because of it, and then even after that you continued to treat her poorly. Is it any wonder she's looking at other guys who could treat her well? How can she have any proof that you will suddenly change your personality and treat her the way she deserves?

This is a long term project. You can't just apologize and expect it to be meaningful. Too much damage has happened. You have to prove with actions that you are focused on a new path. Every day, talk with her, be with her, and show you are attentive and honorable. It is only through actions that you can rebuild her trust in you from scratch.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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