My Guy Leads a Secret Life

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I live with my Boyfriend friend and he has females friends who i have no clue of who they are and he calls them often and he stated that i can not answer his cell phone. What would you say about this. Advice
THE most important thing in any relationship is total honesty and trust. You and your partner should be facing the world side by side, shoulder by shoulder. You should share everything with each other and trust each other completely.

For him to be hiding women from you, and hiding his cell phone calls from you is completely violating all of that. You need to talk with him. Don't yell at him and make him think of you as his 'mean mommy'. Instead be reasonable and logical. You two are a family together. You are living together. You need to be fully open and honest about your worlds, because everything one of you does has direct impacts on the other of you. The moods, actions, activities of one of you affects how the other one feels.

If he says he has to keep secrets from you, then apologize but say that's not something you can live with. And honestly, you need to either move out or have him move out. You cannot live with someone who openly admits to lying to you. If he lies about something relatively meaningless like "who is this girl" then who knows what other serious stuff he could be lying about.

If he says he understands and can be fully honest, then expect it and point it out when he's not. He has to do this because HE understands this is key to a relationship. If he only thinks this is you being a "jealous mommy" trying to control him, then he's just not old enough and mature enough to be in a real relationship. He's just thinking about his own selfish needs.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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