he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me NOT!?!?!

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
So I met his guy at a hockey tournament in Montreal ..December 2007,(I am from Ontario.) We kept in contact, and talk a lot. We told each other that we like one another and started a long distance relationship, it lasted about 4 months, and then he said that he couldn’t take anymore and we went our separate ways. We still talked about once per week. Towards summer 2008, we started talking more and more, then we finally decided we would see each other in July. I went to visit for a week and we had tonnes of fun, he showed me around montreal all week and stayed out late and got up late (we had a few intimate nights, while I was there.) We decided to give it a try again and this time it lasted till we started school in September 2008. He went to boarding school in Saskatchewan for high school, and eventually found a girl and dated her from December 08 till about march 09. And me and him hadn’t really kept in contact at all, I actually forgot about him for a little while until around may 2009 when we started exchanging messages on face book, texting, msn and even calling each other. We were pretty much in contact with each other all the time and were getting pretty tight. Eventually I went back over the summer 2009 for another week to see him. And we were soo happy to see each other and again got intimate and walked around the city all the time..took me to old port, la ronde, Montréal Botanical Garden. And we told each other that we loved each other. But as you can guess come the new school year he broke up with me (he got kicked out of his HS in Saskatchewan for personal stuff when he was involved with his Ex.) So he started CEGEP in Montreal, (and I was in my grade 12 year still in Ontario) He started doing his own thing and same with me. We never talked at all for months. I wanted to pursue a career in Psychology but didn’t have the university credits, because I took college level courses. I was looking for schools that offered Psychology, I looked in BC and Alberta, then seen that I could do CEGEP in Quebec, and get my diploma in Psychology and it would take about 2 years and then I could go off to McGill University and get my Masters and maybe even my PhD. After about 2 weeks of me getting accepted into Dawson College in Montreal, him and I started again talking. Eventually I told him that I was going to Dawson in Montreal, and he seemed pretty excited that I was going to be moving there! And I was already excited, and found an apartment. He asked if I would be willing to give us a try since we would see each other more often and close to everyday! So August came, and we hung out more often than I though but with no sex for the time being. On December 09, we confirmed our relationship. Come January 2010, we were tight as ever and going strong! Showing each other our love and getting intimate again, our relationship was perfect, went our to dinner, movies, we even went to the casino, he even brought me to watch him play hockey!. On December 17th, 2010, I was going home for Christmas till January 8th, 2011. But he was making a trip out to Saskatchewan and Alberta from January 3rd till 25th, 2011. We talked all the time over face book, and texting. When he came back from his trip out west, he had a status on his face book, saying “ Completely different lifestyle change and beliefs? Something to think about as it is a big decision,” and of course I was curious what it was about so I asked him by message and he said that he would talk to me about it Friday and that it didn’t have anything to do with me. So Friday comes around and we hadn’t seen each other since December 17th, 2010. As soon as he comes in we kiss each other and I say “I missed you so much” while he says “Actions speak louder than words” and we kiss for about 20mins before we do anything sexual. Come morning we were happy to see each other and we were going to go to the movies but we lost track of time doing “other things“. We cooked supper together and did the dishes. He had to leave for hockey at 7:30, and got back at 10pm. When he came back he started to be a bit distant with me and watch TV in my bedroom while I was on the couch. So, I am not sure what time he went to bed, but I went to sleep at about 1am and he was sleeping already. So come morning he was being more distant and this was causing me to be more upset. So at about 12:30pm he sat me down and told me we should break up, and that he didn’t love me anymore. He told me while he was in Saskatchewan, he had so much fun, and when people asked if he had a girlfriend he would day yes but he told them he wasn’t really thinking about me, yet we were talking all the time while he was away. But he said that he tried getting his love back for me when he got back but he couldn’t. He told me I was the perfect girlfriend but he just didn’t have anymore feelings for me!?! Which is what I don’t get. He says he still wants to be friends. He comforted me and hugged me a lot and rubbed my back and everything. But I just couldn’t stop crying. So he handed over the extra set of keys and left. (BTW, he got a parking ticket)
What do you think went wrong? Do you think he really doesn’t have any feelings for me? Could I get him back?

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RomanceClass.com Advice
I hate to say this - it really does sound like he is over you. You two have a solid and long history of mutual attraction and the timing was never really right. My sense is that when you moved closer, you two were finally able to give the relationship the best chance possible. It worked for a while and that is great! But it does seem that it is just not meant to be, and that you both gave it a real shot, so now you know it won't work. Or at least he feels that way on his end.

He is probably honest about wanting to be friends. You do have that solid core of knowing each other and being comfortable around each other. You may end up getting mixed signals from him in the future and there may even be sex at times. But it does seem clear he does not want an intimate love relationship any more.

I don't think you did a THING wrong. Sometimes these things just don't work out the way we want them to, no matter how much we try to make them work. If you can handle a friendship with him, fine, but be careful with your heart around him. Try not to read too much into his actions.

Or tell him it would hurt to much to be friends and move on with your life. The pain does eventually fade. I wish you the best.

-- from Jill
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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